Poll: Which Stache is the Wright Stache?

It’s time to address a very important subject, kids.  Exactly what type of mustache should David Wright grow?  Of course, much of this is contingent on him having the fully bevy of staches at his disposal.  If he is one of the millions of men with weak connectors (myself, shamefully, included), then the Fu Manchu may not be a viable option.  But let’s assume that David is a six-tool player (hitting, hitting for power, speed, fielding, throwing and mustache growing) and can grow anything that he sets his mind to.

Polls are open until the end of next week, so forward this to all of your friends and encourage them to vote.  Make your voices heard.  The success of the Mets demands it!

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Todd Jones on Baseball Staches

If you just turned to stone, Todd Jones apologizes.

Todd Jones.  Devout Christian.  Above average Major League pitcher.  Epic mustache.  Jones sported a Fu Manchu during his playing days.  A bold choice.  In the schoolyard of mustaches, the Fu Manchu is the bully whose dad left when he was six months old and now he has anger-management issues.  It says, “I could kill you just by looking at you, so you best be on your way.”  So, you can imagine how thrilled we were when epic reader contributor Seth F. shared this year-old column by Todd Jones with us.

Jones noted,

I thought I was mean-looking, so I rocked it. To be honest, when I was learning how to be a closer, I thought I needed something to make me look the part.

I remembered the looks of Goose Gossage and the Mad Hungarian, Al Hrabosky. Then I met Rod Beck — God rest his soul — and I was in. I’ve gone about three weeks in my entire career without my once slightly crooked and now-graying mustache. I guess it’s me.

I guess it is you, Todd.  Jones touches on a subject near and dear to The Wright Stache.  The concept that no man chooses his facial hair.  No, your facial hair chooses you.  The mustache has chosen David Wright.  He must heed its call.

It’s worth noting, however, that The Wright Stache and Mr. Jones disagree on the validity of that Giambi situation.

Thanks for helping us put it into words, Todd.  Hope retirement is treating you well and that your stache remains ever vigilant against Satan.

The Sporting News