Have you ever been in a pub in Goomeri, Queensland, Australia and found your future self? Well, you can imagine my astonishment when, while proudly representing The Wright Stache at Joe’s Grand Hotel in this tiny town (population: 400), I met Doug. Doug works the timber bridges, smokes a pipe and rocks a sweet chops and stache combo. Doug is my hero. And Doug may just be me in 2030.
I’m writing this from the Brisbine International Airport while waiting out a five hour fog delay, but I’ll be Stateside soon enough to get back to fightin’ the good stache fight in the home of the Amazins.
And since we want you all to buy Wright Stache t-shirts and share your photos with us, check out my contribution after the jump.
Last month, we celebrated Planet of the Geeks blogger Mike Yacullo’s Lego Keith Hernandez. Well, he’s brilliant enough to know that color commentator Keith is just as beloved as first baseman Keith, so he produced a 2009 version complete with SNY set, reading glasses and microphone.
Of course, the stache looks fantastic. We’d love to see Lego Gary and Ron join Keith in the booth. But here’s hoping that a limping Cleveland Indians Keith isn’t in the works.
Failed pitcher, occasional slugger and current horrendous batter Rick Ankiel has himself a mustache. While watching the first game of the Mets-Cardinals series, I couldn’t help but notice that Dick Ankiel had something on his upper lip. I had a hard time making out what it was while he was striking out, but as he coasted into second base while Daniel Murphy missed his 75th cutoff man of the season I saw it bushy and clear.
As we’ve said before, a man does not choose his facial hair. His facial hair chooses him. Clearly, the mustache did not choose Rick Ankiel. A career .262 hitter entering the 2009 campaign, the former pitcher (if you can call what he did pitching) was hitting .190 entering last night’s action (he’s up to .227 now). If he was hoping that the mustache would be a slump-buster, he was sorely mistaken*.
When will people learn that the mustache is not some lucky charm like a rabbit’s foot or horseshoe. It’s not a matter of choice. It’s something deeper than that. Something existential. Something that Rick Ankiel doesn’t deserve.
* Last night’s hit barrage notwithstanding – his OBP is still only .306.
This photo came with a digital certificate of authenticity.
In one fell swoop of rebellion, drastic change, and unprecedentedly terrible timing, Keith Hernandez has shaved his mustache.
Credible sources are reporting that the former Mets first baseman, Just For Men spokesman, baseball commentator, and Sports Mustache Ambassador decided “it was just time for something different”. The shave ends a long-lasting love affair between Keith and his prized and furry lip cover that was once named The Greatest Mustache in Sports History. Last week, Mets fans even named it their Favorite Metstache of All Time.
Here at The Wright Stache, we’re obviously troubled by the news. This really could not have come at a worse time: just as our cause is beginning to build a steady buzz, our leader and “Patron Saint” has decided to call it quits. We can only hope that if and when Keith finds out about our mission, he’ll still agree to endorse David’s bid for the Stache House, and remind him that its the Mustache that makes the man, and not the other way around.
The Wright Stache resides on the part of the Venn diagram where mustaches and Mets overlap. And last night, while we floating around in that obscure nether region of the universe, we were joined by Jimmy Fallon and Bill Hader. Hader stopped by Late Night to pimp his new movie Adventureland.
While the two SNL alums chatted, the topic of Hader’s stache in the film came up. Then the 1986 Mets came up. And then Keith Hernandez came up. After all that, they tried on mustaches and mild hilarity ensued.
You can watch the mustache shenanigans here. Fast forward to the 25 minute mark to see where the stache conversation begins.
Always good to see the stache getting some TV time and even better to see the Mets getting the stache credit that they deserve.
As for Adventureland, all you Long Island kids know that there can be only one.
Yesterday was the first game ever at Citi Field. The St. John’s Red Storm took on the Hoyas of Georgetown. People wandered around taking pictures. The bats made a strange “ping” sound. And, for the first time in history, The Wright Stache made its presence known at the new home of the New York Metropolitans baseball club.
I made my way out to Flushing armed with a ticket courtesy of friend o’ the stache Matt Huang, my camera and, of course, my stache. While it was odd to feel like a stranger in a strange land, I can say with great pride that nothing felt more natural than being at our new ballpark with the stache.
There are plenty of previews of Citi Field out there, so I didn’t go overboard with photographs. I was just there to let The Wright Stache (via my stache) and Citi Field get acquainted. I am pleased to report that they got along swimmingly.
I did snap a few photos which you are more than welcome to view here. And, if you have pictures of mustaches at Citi Field (yours or those belonging to anonymous friends o’ the stache), please be sure to SEND THEM TO US.
We have a big day and week ahead of us, so check back often. Let’s just say that 10:45 this morning will be life changing.
Dear friend o’ the stache Seth Fisher addressed a very important issue in an email to The Wright Stache HQ. One that helps us clear a major hurdle in our quest to get David Wright to grow a mustache.
It’s probably best if I just let Seth explain it himself:
Lord knows every man looks good in a fully grown stache, but perhaps David Wright is afraid of the transition period? Surely, a nascent young stache does not tickle the fancy of the female gender quite like a fully matured lip cover.
Some men, of course, can take the transition better than others.
Using special, high-tech software, however, our laboratories were able to demonstrate that Wright would look good not only with his completed stache, but all the way up.
Take a gander at the image above and observe David in all stages of mustache growth. From infancy to maturity, David looks like a man who owns his look. Confident. Strong. And, dare I say it, sexy as all get out.
So, if you (or David) were concerned about the early aesthetics of a stache on our mighty protaganist, fear not. Now, get on it David!
Friend o’ the Stache Sarah Harris Weiss, Esq. wrote in with a rather good point. We may have jumped to a massive conclusion here at The Wright Stache and it looks like we need to take a quick step back to address this snafu. We skipped the 101 class and jumped immediately into the advanced levels. What I’m trying to say is, David may have no clue about how to get started with his maiden whisker voyage.
As Sarah noted in her email,
I think that maybe you should have a post about how to grow a moustache, in case David is reading and is unsure how to begin.
It’s a good day in the ol’ blogosphere for The Wright Stache. Our new friends at Ladies On the Field, Gangstas on the Bus showed us a little link love and even have a poll up to see where people stand on David Wright growing a lip wig. All the more reason for us to take a gander at this charming fella on the right here.
Because he, like The Wright Stache, doesn’t do anything half-assed. He committed. And so have we. We’re in this for the long haul and we will not stop until David Wright grows a mustache. For now, we’ll continue to fight the good fight and make as many friends as we can along the way.
Want to help out the cause? Have an idea or suggestion? Notice The Wright Stache linked somewhere? Hit us up on the electronic mail.
Friend of The Wright Stache Joe L. emailed me today with an amazing discovery. It turns out that Keith Hernandez is the owner of the Top Sports Mustache of All-Time.
Back in 2007, the great men who run the American Mustache Institute (AMI) opened the polls and asked the public to vote for the greatest mustache in sports history. Keith beat out such luminaries as Hulk Hogan and Dale Earnhardt.
Above you can watch the official video released by the AMI congratulating Keith on his victory. And you can also read our words of praise for Keith, our patron saint.
Once again, the Mets have proven themselves to be stache savvy, stache supportive and stache superlative.
A belated congratulations, Keith. David could learn from no one finer than you!
The late 80s were a marvelous time in Mets history. They won the 1986 World Championship. They won the NL East pennant in 1988. They played hard, partied harder and had some fantastic staches. And one man led them to both victory and mustachery: Davey Johnson.
Johnson started his managerial career in the Mets minor league system and won pennants in each of his first three seasons. His players may have been too young to grow facial hair, but his was more than enough for the lot of them.
After the big league squad finished in last place in the NL East in 1983 with only 68 wins, Davey took over the reins for the 1984 season. He proceeded to lead the Amazins to 90 wins and a second place finish in the division. In 1985, he led them to an impressive 98 wins and another second place finish behind the 101-win Cardinals. In 1986, it all came together and Davey etched his name into Mets lore as the man who brought a championship back to Queens.
Davey’s Mets teams finished in first place once and second place two more times in the years following that title. After a slow start in 1990, the Mets fired Davey. Fun fact: By that time, Davey had shaved off his mustache. Coincidence? Absolutely not.
Davey went on to manage the Reds, Orioles and Dodgers with moderate success. Today, he’s managing the United States World Baseball Classic Team.
He’s clean-shaven these days, which is a shame. We’ll always remember him as the mustachioed leader of the best Mets team ever. He remains the winningest manager in Mets history. Thanks, Davey. And thanks, Davey’s stache.
We’ve been hearing whispers of D-Wright trash talking being thrown around on some message boards. Apparently, there are some naysayers out there that seem to think David wouldn’t even be able to grow a mustache if he tried. They claim he’s never even had a 5 o’clock shadow, let alone a full blown ’stache. One punk even referred to him as being “babyfaced”. So I want to take a moment to set the record straight, once and for all. See the scruff in the photo below for proof that David is no boy, baby, child, youngster, kid, teenager, or any other type of adolescent:
You're going green - with envy of David's future stache. David's going green because he cares about the environment.
A mustache is a much better way to stay warm than whatever the hell that is on his head.
Baseball is a numbers game. No sport is more evaluated in terms of statistics than baseball is. Everyone talks about BA, OPS, VORP, WHIP, OPS, AARP and NAMBLA. You are only as good as your numbers. So today we’ll take a statistical look at how a mustache could aid David Wright by looking at some of his stat splits. Join me, won’t you?
Some say Giambi set the mustache back 30 years last season.
Well, this needs to be addressed and it needs to be addressed head on. Jason Giambi had a mustache last year. No one is denying this. Nor are we attempting to copy his idea (or the idea of shameless Yankee fans who wore fake mustaches). Giambi’s stache was a joke, in more ways than one. We respect the mustache. And we respect David Wright. We think they go together. As for Giambi, all he did was besmirch the good name of the mustache. Read more »
Here at the Wright Stache, we obviously have a keen focus on the future (grow that mustache, David!). But we also have tremendous reverence for the past and look to history for guidance and inspiration. And when it comes to Mets mustaches, one stands taller (and bushier) than all others. I am referring, of course, to the whiskers of the first basemen of the 1986 World Champions – Mr. Keith Hernandez.
At The Wright Stache headquarters, most conversations about who would write the Keith Hernandez post devolved into screaming matches with highball glasses being heaved against the wall, rocks glasses being slammed to the ground and steins tossed at each other’s heads. Who would have the privilege of writing about the Hernandez stache? It was finally settled when I went on a three week holiday to New Zealand and Australia. Since no one could throw a glass far enough to hit me, I made a power play. Read more »
Hey, David – looking for a little inspiration for that silky-smooth upper lip of yours? Need some ideas for that soon-to-be-cilium that will exist directly below your nose?
Then look no further than the 2009 New York City Beard and Moustache Championships, taking place this Saturday at Public Assembly in Brooklyn. We know you can’t make it since you’re playing in the World Baseball Classic, but we’re certain that after the event, there will be plenty of photos sprinkled throughout the Interwebs, just waiting to grace the glass screen of your iPhone.
Just think: in a year from now, you’ll be crowned victor of the 2010 event via an absentee registration, and you’ll be able to add Mustache King to your ever-growing list of accomplishments (in addition to Major League Baseball Player, Three-time All Star, Golden Glove Winner, Silver Slugger Winner, Vitamin Water Pioneer, Esteemed Philanthropist and founder of the David Wright Foundation).
David, in case you couldn’t tell…we’re big fans of yours. But we won’t be your biggest fans until you grow that stache. So get crackin’.
If you're a student of the game or just interested in baseball history, you may have considered testing
your knowledge through online sports betting. Ask yourself,
what would Ty Cobb do?
Better Know a Metstache, Updates | Teufel Stubble | 
June 5, 2009 9:00 am | 
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Yesterday was the first game ever at Citi Field. The St. John’s Red Storm took on the Hoyas of Georgetown. People wandered around taking pictures. The bats made a strange “ping” sound. And, for the first time in history, The Wright Stache made its presence known at the new home of the New York Metropolitans baseball club.
It’s a good day in the ol’ blogosphere for The Wright Stache. Our new friends at 
