This is possibly the most genius thing to ever hit the Interwebs: a series of 30-second video clips of Keith Hernandez and his mustache trash-talking none other than you.
Why is Bloomberg Sports sponsoring a website and a series of pro-shot videos of Keith Hernandez being Keith Hernandez? Why is Keith Hernandez even bothering to do this? Why is it so fucking funny? Only one answer: the power of the ’stache.
MLB.com, as is its wont,* is allowing fans to vote on their All-Time Nine for each team.
Rules are you pick one season from each guy at each position, and then imagine they were all on the same Mets team at the same time having that season.
And then you imagine you had season tickets that year and got to watch ‘99 Rickey Henderson lead off followed by 2006 Reyes, and then 2007 Wright would hit a double to score two, and then 2000 Piazza would step up to the plate, and they had to pitch to him because ‘98 Olerud and ‘86 Keith Hernandez were due up, and 2000 Piazza would wink at you and you would know deep down that he loved y….. Read more »
How have we missed this for so long? “I’m Keith Hernandez” is a film by Rob Perri and it is, quite simply, magnificent. Rather than fail at doing it justice, I’ll let the film’s official website tell you what you need to know:
Part baseball documentary, part anti drug film, part socio-political satire, I’M KEITH HERNANDEZ utilizes a version of Hernandez life as a vehicle to discuss how male identity is shaped by TV/film, sports, advertising, and pornography.
But it gets better. I took a keen interest in the short film after reading that “as part of this discourse, the physical attribute of the mustache is explored as a symbol of male virility.” Sign me up!
The whole film is available to watch online. It’s embedded right into this post for your convenience. Do yourself a favor and set aside 20 minutes of your day (preferable while you are at work) to watch it. Seriously. It will be the single greatest thing you do all week.
Thanks to friend o’ the stache Derrick Yuen for the heads up.
(Ed. note: The film is SFW, but there is some footage from an adult film that, while properly concealed, probably isn’t your boss’ cup of tea.)
From AdFreak via Yahoo’s Big League Stew, this SNY promo clip of a fictional “Keith Hernandez Day” is simply brilliant. And of course, we love the fact that Yahoo’s ‘Duk is making the connection between David’s plate-woes and David’s lack-o-stache. We can’t say we disagree. Because we don’t.
So is this an indication that Metstache-fever is spreading quicker than the Swine Flu? With the repeated showings of our Mets Weekly segment on Citi Field’s Diamond Vision, along with this SNY produced clip…we’re thinking yes. Here it is:
Last month, we celebrated Planet of the Geeks blogger Mike Yacullo’s Lego Keith Hernandez. Well, he’s brilliant enough to know that color commentator Keith is just as beloved as first baseman Keith, so he produced a 2009 version complete with SNY set, reading glasses and microphone.
Of course, the stache looks fantastic. We’d love to see Lego Gary and Ron join Keith in the booth. But here’s hoping that a limping Cleveland Indians Keith isn’t in the works.
TWS Detroit Bureau Chief Misopogon is back with another dispatch from America’s burningest city. This time around, he looks at the 1984 Detroit Tigers and their mustaches. Can the kittens maul the Amazins? Will the presence of HoJo on both rosters cause the space-time continuum to implode? Is the devise of asking myself questions being overused? Anyhoo, Misopogon gives us the longest and most meticulously cited in this blog’s short history.
So the ‘82 Brew Crewwent down to the might of the Metstache, but if there’s one team that could compete with the ‘86 Amazins, it’s the stachiest of the stachiest, the team that put the zap in Zappa, the “Bless You Boys,” your 1984 Detroit Tigers.
Let’s see how they stache up after the jump. Read more »
Welcome to another episode of 1986 Mets: A Year to Remember theater. If you’re just joining us, we’ve rocked out with Wild Boys Lenny Dykstra and Wally Backman and learned to give a hot foot with Roger McDowell and HoJo. In today’s episode, we celebrate the machismo, determination and bromance of Keith Hernandez and Gary Carter.
Like a rock, Keith and Gary were the stable leaders the Mets needed. And like a rock, their man-love could not be broken.
With a special appearance by Davey Johnson’s mustache!
Happy Friday, kids. Let’s make it a stachetastic end to the week.
Ah, Wikipedia. I was hanging out with friend o’ the stache and frequent commenter The Other DAW and Mrs. Other DAW this evening. As often happens, the conversation turned to Keith Hernandez. Some wild accusations were made which I will not dignify with mentions in this here blog of record. All that matters is that we ended up on the Wikipedia page of our patron saint.
While there, we stumbled on an interesting fun fact (Fun fact: I love fun facts). In the miscellany section, you’ll find this:
Hernandez admitted that he never wore eyeblack while playing because he had high cheekbones. Hernandez felt his mustache reduced glare thereby eliminating the need for eyeblack.
The source cited is the Athlon Sports 2008 Baseball Annual. Now, you can’t argue that Keith doesn’t have high cheekbones. He has rugged features and his cheekbones are part of that macho handsomeness. What’s worth considering, however, is his theory that mustaches reduce glare.
If that’s the case (and I have no reason to doubt Keith even if the photo above proves either him or Athlon Sports to be a liar), then David needs to grow a stache to handle the sun. There’s a long, bright summer ahead and the winds in Flushing make things adventurous enough on pop-ups without having to battle the glare.
Grow a stache, David. Keith was an amazing fielder (11 straight Gold Gloves from 1978 to 1988). If the stache helped him, it can help you.
This photo came with a digital certificate of authenticity.
In one fell swoop of rebellion, drastic change, and unprecedentedly terrible timing, Keith Hernandez has shaved his mustache.
Credible sources are reporting that the former Mets first baseman, Just For Men spokesman, baseball commentator, and Sports Mustache Ambassador decided “it was just time for something different”. The shave ends a long-lasting love affair between Keith and his prized and furry lip cover that was once named The Greatest Mustache in Sports History. Last week, Mets fans even named it their Favorite Metstache of All Time.
Here at The Wright Stache, we’re obviously troubled by the news. This really could not have come at a worse time: just as our cause is beginning to build a steady buzz, our leader and “Patron Saint” has decided to call it quits. We can only hope that if and when Keith finds out about our mission, he’ll still agree to endorse David’s bid for the Stache House, and remind him that its the Mustache that makes the man, and not the other way around.
It’s time to address a very important subject, kids. Exactly what type of mustache should David Wright grow? Of course, much of this is contingent on him having the fully bevy of staches at his disposal. If he is one of the millions of men with weak connectors (myself, shamefully, included), then the Fu Manchu may not be a viable option. But let’s assume that David is a six-tool player (hitting, hitting for power, speed, fielding, throwing and mustache growing) and can grow anything that he sets his mind to.
Polls are open until the end of next week, so forward this to all of your friends and encourage them to vote. Make your voices heard. The success of the Mets demands it!
We love a good challenge and nothing gets us chomping at the bit more than someone challenging us to a good old-fashioned stache-off. You see, we’ll stack the 1986 Mets and their staches up against any team from any era. Why? Because we’re confident that Metstaches are the best staches. So, you can imagine our giddiness when we received the picture to the right along with the note below from Matt Brukman. We welcome your challange, Matt, and apologize that you will have to walk away with your stache between your legs.
First, let’s look at Matt’s opening salvo:
The Mets are amateurs. See the attached t-shirt graphic for the true masters of hirsute baseball goodness.
The battle (and a larger version of the photo) after the jump. Read more »
Fur coat sold separately. Not for use with some sets.
Sometimes you see something and it’s so beautiful that it hurts. Like a bag blowing in the wind. This is one of those times. It’s a Lego Keith Hernandez with accurate mustache! Check out Planet of the Geeks to see how it was done. We here at The Wright Stache were floored when we saw this. Even in Lego form, Keith is larger than life and his stache adds a dignified air to even the yellowist of figurines.
No word yet on whether a Bret Saberhagen figure with optional bleach-filled Super Soaker will be available anytime soon. Fingers crossed!
And now, you’ve crowned it. You spoke up and you awarded Keith Hernandez’s Mustache as your Favorite Metstache of All Time. And we can’t say we disagree: it truly is a work of beauty and an inspiration to men everywhere, professional athletes and regular-folk alike. So, congratulations Keith.
And congratulations Wright Stache readers, for making an informed and educated decision on such an important issue. Your voice was heard. Our only hope is that one day, ideally one in the near future, the Favorite Metstache award can be handed over to David: our one and only Golden Boy. Because not only is it David’s destiny to wear such an honored and adorned crown…it’s his God-given birthright.
Lest you think that you are alone in supporting The Wright Stache, I am here to assure you that you are in enthusiastic stache company. There are others like you. Believers who understand the whimsical powers of the mustache. I present to you Eddie L. and his unnamed platonic costume partner who dressed up as HoJo and Keith for Halloween. But their stache support goes far deeper than some simple alcohol-fueled shenanigans. Eddie wrote,
My friend and I have been growing moustaches for Halloween for the past few years and after the mets FIRST collapse we decided to summon the powers of yester year and go as Keith and Hojo. We got the full 1986 uniform and real staches to match.
Our idea is that whenever the mets make the post-season again we will go to the game in our 1986 gear with full on real moustaches.
Now that’s some mustache magic that I can relate to. And with support like this, you can bet that the next postseason the Mets see will be in 2009! Check out some “behind-the-scenes” action from Eddie’s costumed hijinx after the jump. Read more »
The lapels are made of earlier Hernandez mustaches.
We’re a day late on this, but what an amazin’ piece on Always Amazin’ by Matthew Artus yesterday. He offers a convincing argument for our patron saint (and his killer stache) to be in the Hall of Fame. The logic centers around the Wins Above Replacement (WAR) statistic and complicated graphs. Matthew can explain it much better than I can.
Essentially, WAR attempts to quantify a player’s value over that of an “average” player. A positive WAR means that you’re an improvement over the average. A negative WAR means you’re dead weight.
Matthew goes on to show that Keith’s WAR numbers are better than Hall of Famers Tony Perez and Orlando Cepeda. The graphs are quite lovely and essentially we learn that Keith should be in the Hall of Fame where his bronze mustache can be viewed for centuries.
Now, if only we could get a Wins Above Replacement Mustache statistic. It’s WARM!
Here at The Wright Stache, we like us some good old fashioned debatin’. And not the kind that ends in hand shakes – the kind that ends in fist fights. So when we all sat down and tried to plead our cases for our favorite Metstaches of all time, things got ugly. Names were called. Fingers were pointed. Mets memorabilia was shattered. Broken glass was….well, everywhere. So we figure the only way this is ever going to get settled is if we get our readers’ opinions. So, here goes:
By simply putting that photo there, I struggled to get this sentence out. I triple clutched my finger before finally hitting the key. Just a reminder of what life is like for Mets without a stache. What a first week it’s been for The Wright Stache. We…
Not a bad start. I know that it may seem like I’ve done most of the posting over the last few days. That’s because Hairy Backman has been working hard at his real job in the steel mill and Jose’s Chin Pubes is in Texas taking the steak-eating challenge at every steakhouse south of Dallas-Ft. Worth. We’ll form Voltron next week.
We’ll be working through the weekend, so stop by while you nurse your hangover and watch whatever marathon MTV runs.
Stay tuned for some site improvements in the next week or so that will make commenting more pleasureable. And please do check back often and share The Wright Stache with your friends, family and casual encounters.
Friend of The Wright Stache Joe L. emailed me today with an amazing discovery. It turns out that Keith Hernandez is the owner of the Top Sports Mustache of All-Time.
Back in 2007, the great men who run the American Mustache Institute (AMI) opened the polls and asked the public to vote for the greatest mustache in sports history. Keith beat out such luminaries as Hulk Hogan and Dale Earnhardt.
Above you can watch the official video released by the AMI congratulating Keith on his victory. And you can also read our words of praise for Keith, our patron saint.
Once again, the Mets have proven themselves to be stache savvy, stache supportive and stache superlative.
A belated congratulations, Keith. David could learn from no one finer than you!
Here at the Wright Stache, we obviously have a keen focus on the future (grow that mustache, David!). But we also have tremendous reverence for the past and look to history for guidance and inspiration. And when it comes to Mets mustaches, one stands taller (and bushier) than all others. I am referring, of course, to the whiskers of the first basemen of the 1986 World Champions – Mr. Keith Hernandez.
At The Wright Stache headquarters, most conversations about who would write the Keith Hernandez post devolved into screaming matches with highball glasses being heaved against the wall, rocks glasses being slammed to the ground and steins tossed at each other’s heads. Who would have the privilege of writing about the Hernandez stache? It was finally settled when I went on a three week holiday to New Zealand and Australia. Since no one could throw a glass far enough to hit me, I made a power play. Read more »
If you're a student of the game or just interested in baseball history, you may have considered testing
your knowledge through online sports betting. Ask yourself,
what would Ty Cobb do?
Trash Talk | Jose's Chin Pubes | 
May 13, 2010 11:01 am | 
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MLB.com, as is its wont,* is allowing fans to vote on their 
TWS Detroit Bureau Chief Misopogon is back with another dispatch from America’s burningest city. This time around, he looks at the 1984 Detroit Tigers and their mustaches. Can the kittens maul the Amazins? Will the presence of HoJo on both rosters cause the space-time continuum to implode? Is the devise of asking myself questions being overused? Anyhoo, Misopogon gives us the longest and most meticulously cited in this blog’s short history.
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By simply putting that photo there, I struggled to get this sentence out. I triple clutched my finger before finally hitting the key. Just a reminder of what life is like for Mets without a stache. What a first week it’s been for The Wright Stache. We…
