More Hair News: The Brewers’ Black Beauties

Speaking of haircuts, the Brewers’ J.J. Hardy and All-Star outfielder Corey Hart dyed their hair black together in an effort to break out of matching slumps. How cute. For Hardy, the move is largely nonsensical, considering his hair is already a dark brown-blackish. And for the naturally golden-blond Hart? It’s downright pathetic… and the mark of a true pansy. Unfortunately, for the sake of this post, it’s kind of working for Hart who has, since dying his hair on April 19th, raised his batting average from a meager .250 to a somewhat-more-respectable .278.

Here at The Wright Stache, we have but one question for the new Beautiful Boys of the Brewers: Are you guys joking? Major League Baseball players don’t cry. Major League Baseball players don’t polish their nails. And Major League Baseball players sure as hell don’t dye their hair black. Girls dye their hair black. Goth kids dye their hair black. Keith Hernandez dyes his hair black (but he gets millions to do so – so its OK).

Baseball is about playing tough – both physically and mentally. It’s about playing hard and battling through slumps, and not relying on gimmicks or trickery to be a better player. It’s about relentless passion and a drive to be better than your opponent, be it an opposing pitcher, or a batter trying to take you deep. And it’s about growing a damn mustache – the cornerstone of manliness and a true slice of Americana: just like apple pie, hot dogs, and Baseball itself.

J.J. and Corey: you’ve embarrassed your team and yourselves. Shave your heads immediately. That is all.