When they said they’re bringing back the old Mets to celebrate the opening of Citi Field, I didn’t realize they meant the blooper-reel spirit of Marvelous Marv Throneberry was invited too.
One particular event of last night’s game, however, stood out to me as more than a little Marv.
A lot of things can happen in baseball, but a guy who’s 6′7, with enough coordination to consistently whip a baseball over 95 mph into a 6-inch by 6-inch window that’s about 60 feet, 10 inches* from his release point, does not just…fall…down!
Yahoo! Sports today had a little fantasy advice on the baseball front page.
No. 2 on the cold list? Take a look for yourself:
I know what you’re thinking (aside from I think Lance Berkman is giving me the Hey-yo eyes)…
Yeah, I wish I could hit .316 for a week and be called cold too. But this is perennial MVP candidate David Wright we’re talking about; I think he can do better, and Yahoo! does too.
Until the spring chill gets replaced by the summer sun, those sweet swings are still gonna land inside the fences, and there’s nothing we can do about that. But see that thermometer beside D-Wright? That’s lip temperature right there. And we CAN do something about THAT!
We’re not fans of Jason Giambi’s mustache ’round The Wright Stache HQ; the way we see it, mustaches represent dignity and shouldn’t be grown for dares and jokes. But in an interview conducted by Eqsuire last fall and sent in to TWS by LadyStache, Giambi had some pretty worthwhile tips for a would-be whisker grower, including the process of growing it in and the reaction of the opposite sex — the latter of which is an issue we surmised the young, studly David might be concerned:
Interviewer: Probably the most important question, how have the ladies reacted to it?
Giambi: It’s been unbelievable, they absolutely love it, which I can’t believe. I’m almost in that category of molester to porn-star, so it’s… like I said, people absolutely love it. I think people look at it like ‘this guy’s got enough balls to actually grow a mustache.’”
So there you go, David. Be a man. Grow some balls. The ladies will love you even more.
If Ollie sees his shadow, he'll have an ERA over 6.00.
This all looks so familiar. After last night’s stark reminder that all bullpens, even rebuilt ones, can struggle, today gave us a friendly reminder that Oliver Perez is the most confounding thing to come out of Mexico since Carlos Mencia’s successful career. Ollie started strong, but the wheels came off in the third inning and the rest of the car spontaneously combusted in the fifth. His final line: 4.1 IP (ugh), 5 H (eh), 8 R (ruhroh), 5 BB (blargh) and 7 K (huzzah!). And with that, the Mets were downed by the Red 8-6.
Once again, the heart of the order looked strong as the Carloses continued to be RBI machines. David Wright had his first multi-hit game of 2009 and picked up an impressive fourth walk of the season. And Ryan Church continued to show what he’s capable of when he’s not overly concussed by adding two hits, including a two RBI double.
The bullpen pitched 3.2 scoreless innings, so that’s a plus. Brian Stokes looked strong with three strikeouts in two innings of work. Meanwhile, Gary Sheffield had his first AB as a Met. He struck out looking in the ninth. For the record, he has a beard.
The Amazins head to Florida for three against the suddenly potent Marlins and we head to the bar for some Thursday night drunkiness without the guilt of missing a Mets game.
Well, that was exciting. Mike Pelfrey looked shaky, then settled down. The bats looked lively and the heart of the order showed potency that lasted longer than four hours (they should consult their physician) and the bullpen was just good enough to hang on for the 9-7 win over the Cincinnati Reds.
The Carloses went 4 for 9 with four runs scored, six RBI and one HR by the bald one. As for our non-mustached third baseman, he went 1 for 4 with three runs scored and a walk. His one hit came in the 7th inning when he appeared to be sporting some late evening stubble, once again supporting our theory that David performs better when he has some facial hair to keep him warm during this chilly Spring games.
It wasn’t the prettiest win but this isn’t a beauty contest. Which is a plus, because Ramon Castro has no business putting on an evening gown.
Thanks to TheWrightStache reader Christina L. for sending in this link on Manolith, an article which takes a look at what a man’s mustache says about his profession. Among the various mustache/profession pairings such as “Dictator” (Mugabe, Hitler) and “Painter” (Dali) is the baseball player stache, featuring a picture (right) of Randy Johnson’s trash-stache of the ’90s. The article points out that most baseball players who rock the stache are pitchers, an interesting point I’d missed. Let’s make D-Wright an exception the rule — a position player with a classy, dignified mustache!
“LadyStache,” friend and ardent supporter of TheWrightStache, sent in this compelling piece from Mustache Monday showing the clear link between mustaches and athleticism.
Marathon Monday is a glorious day for Boston residents. It is a day that people have off from work to get the drunken pleasure of watching other people run 26 miles. This makes total sense. What makes a day more delightful? Mustaches. What adds fun to sports? Mustaches. What makes you run faster and makes you more agile? If we know nothing else, we know this.
Mustache Monday has also done extensive research and has come up with a graph that shows mustache acceptance rates over the years. Just like the mustache and acid-friendly times of the 1970’s, we are at another crossroads where mustaches can once again be considered a beautiful addition to the face of a man. I can think of one particular fellow for whom a mustache would not only enhance his good looks, but would also provide the speed and dexterity that every athlete desires.
Touche, LadyStache. Also of note, the Germans and Australians both have the U.S. beat across the board in terms of mustache acceptance. We need to change this, and we need David Wright to bring back the glory of the stache to the barren American face. Not to mention, it may help him avoid future baserunning foibles.
Daniel Murphy looked as good as he did all Spring. The bullpen lived up to the promise. And the Mets won their opener against the Cincinnati Reds. With the win, the Mets surged from out of nowhere into a first-place tie in the National East. Quite the turnaround for a team that was winless as recently as yesterday.
As for David Wright, he began the season without a mustache. He went 1-3 with two walks and two adventures on the basepaths. He was thrown out at home after being given the go-ahead by the appropriately named (for this blog’s purposes) Razor Shines. Later, he was picked off of first while representing a potential insurance run.
So, a mixed bag on day 1. A Mets win but an inconsistent day from David, who clearly would have benefited from a stache.
1 down. 161 (plus playoffs) to go. Let’s GROW Mets!
I just watched Johan Santana enter the visitors’ dugout at Great American Ballpark and exchange approximately 15 different elaborate handshakes/hugs/fist pounds with his teammates. This pleases me on a level that I cannot describe.
My only disappointment? Johan and Wright only hugged. No escalating progression of slaps, hugs, hip checks and forearm bashes. Could it be that Johan doesn’t respect Wright? Would a mustache help?
One of the reasons that Gary Sheffield signed with the Mets is that David Wright texted him. David sent an SMS to the slugger to recruit him to join the blue and orange. That, along with the urging of his uncle, Dwight Gooden, led Sheffield to sign the one-year deal with the Mets.
Sheffield acknowldeged that he’s reached a point in his career when he’s no longer a superstar. He sounded agreeable to coming off the bench and being a part of a team effort to win a championship.
Jerry Manuel said that Sheffield will not play the field during the series in Cincinnati to allow the aging outfielder to get into playing shape. He’ll pinch hit and wear ridiculous sunglasses while he gets his throwing arm warmed up.
So there you have it. David booty texted Gary and now they’re friends with benefits.
The Star Ledger / NJ.com is reporting that David Wright and Derek Jeter (formerly of the highly publicized World Baseball Classic BFF-fest) will be competing in a Batting Average-off of sorts. Whichever New York baseball heart-throb winds up with the lower batting average at the end of the 2009 season will lock up $100,000 for their charity. David’s Charity is the David Wright Foundation, which provides aid for children in need. The contest is being sponsored by Delta, who also owns a plane named after David.
Naturally, we think David is going to win this thing. Derek’s average has steadily declined over the past 3 seasons, while David’s will undoubtedly skyrocket after he grows his mustache. You see, folks, not only is growing a mustache good for winning a World Series…but it’s also good for saving the lives of children. And at the end of the day, isn’t that what its all about?
Once again: David Wright is a class act. Classy without a stache; Classier with one. Do it for the kids, David.
Perhaps a Freddie Mercury stache is the way to go.
Friend o’ the stache, former Deadspin editor and current New York columnist Will Leitch has written a preview of the 2009 Mets season. He argues that this is a make-or-break season for the Metropolitans and that their championship window may be closing. There’s good news and questionable news, but one thing is undeniable: David Wright is the linchpin.
Leitch goes into detail on every Mets regular and starter and takes a glance at the bullpen, bench and leadership. Not surprising, he praises our protaganist highly.
3B David Wright. He might not have been particularly clutch last September (although maybe his big game-winning hit against Puerto Rico in the World Baseball Classic will open up heretofore undiscovered “clutch” powers), but Wright is the best third baseman in the game. He had season highs in homers and RBIs and continues to be world-class in the field. He doesn’t run as much as he used to, but if he stays healthy, Wright could be an MVP this year. You build empires around players like this one.
Leitch’s piece is a solid read. And while he doesn’t mention mustaches or The Wright Stache specifically, one can safely assume that his predictions for the season would have been more optimistic if David had started sprouting whiskers by now.
Personal acquaintances of your Wright Stache editors know quite well that Jose’s Chin Pubes is a big fan of everything heavy metal. In fact, yours truly even has a website devoted entirely to the love/hate of this fine musical genre (shameless plug!). But what you might not know is that Mike Piazza — he of numerous facial hair stylings (but that’s a topic for a future post) — is himself a big metal fan too.
Never answer a Casual Encounters ad on Craigslist.
Our dear friends at Ladies on the Field, Gangstas on the Bus have been running a poll of their readers to gauge their thoughts on David Wright growing a mustache. We realized that it could be a polarizing topic in the female community due to their love of David’s boyish good looks. Who among us hasn’t had to endure the high-pitched scream or lustful swoon of a female Mets fan when David has come up to bat? Nevertheless, we’re very pleased with the Ladies’ poll results:
And the poll is closed! 58% of the Ladies want to see a stache on our beloved’s face. Not a ringing endorsement, but then you didn’t think this journey would be easy, did you? Change is always frightening.
We’re proud of you, ladies. You’ve put the greater good ahead of your schoolgirl crushes. A more heroic sacrifice has never been made (outside of those made in bunt form). Kudos and huzzah to you all.
Dear friend o’ the stache Seth Fisher addressed a very important issue in an email to The Wright Stache HQ. One that helps us clear a major hurdle in our quest to get David Wright to grow a mustache.
It’s probably best if I just let Seth explain it himself:
Lord knows every man looks good in a fully grown stache, but perhaps David Wright is afraid of the transition period? Surely, a nascent young stache does not tickle the fancy of the female gender quite like a fully matured lip cover.
Some men, of course, can take the transition better than others.
Using special, high-tech software, however, our laboratories were able to demonstrate that Wright would look good not only with his completed stache, but all the way up.
Take a gander at the image above and observe David in all stages of mustache growth. From infancy to maturity, David looks like a man who owns his look. Confident. Strong. And, dare I say it, sexy as all get out.
So, if you (or David) were concerned about the early aesthetics of a stache on our mighty protaganist, fear not. Now, get on it David!
"Though shalt be banished to an eternity of suckitude."
Jason J., a Yankee-fan reader of The Wright Stache, recently posed an interesting and important question to yours truly:
One suggestion on an issue that needs to be addressed: Willie Randolph had a moustache and that didnt work out so well, the blog needs to explain why that occurred.
It would seem that we do have some explaining to do. Why would we believe that the mustache mojo would work so well for D-Wright if it failed so miserably for Randolph?
Problem at hand, we here at The Wright Stache HQ put on our thinking caps gathered ’round a bottle of Jameson and indulged in a hearty session of armchair philosophy to solve The Willie Randolph Paradox. Our explanations, after the jump.
Tonight, finally, David Wright will start at third base in a Grapefruit League game for the Amazins. When the Mets take the field against the Nationals, David will be at the hot corner, Johan will be on the mound and the Mets will begin to resemble the team that we’ll be watching march to a championship in 2009.
Murph and Church are getting the night off since they have played more Spring ball than any other Mets. Tatis and Kielty will man the corner outfield spots, but otherwise the lineup will finally look normal. No more toddlers pretending to play with the big boys, no more guys with abnormally high uniform numbers making us yawn as we attempt to watch exhibition games through till he ninth inning.
Opening Day is on the horizon. David is back. It’s time to stache up in earnest, people. In many ways, the season starts today.
"The oral sex from a clean-shaven man just isn't the same."
Any would-be facial hair enthusiast knows it all too well: girls do not often dig beards and staches. Back in my halcyon days of having a giant, bushy, hassid beard, I always used to get random dudes coming up to me telling me they loved my beard. I’d tell them that they too should grow one, and the answer I’d always get back was “My wife/girlfriend won’t let me.”
What’s that all about!? Seriously; grow a set. If your wife divorces you because of your man-whiskers, what kind of life are you living, my friend? But it raises a valid concern; what if D-Wright girlfriend / super-hot vixen Molly Beers doesn’t dig the stache? To that end, we here at The Wright Stache headquarters have come up with a handy list of reasons D-Wright can use to convince Ms. Beers of the merits of the stache. Read the list after the jump.
For weeks, David Wright and Jimmy Rollins were teammates. They were partners on the left side of the Team USA infield. They worked together, ate together and showered together. But the WBC is over. The détente has expired. According to Adam Rubin, Wright’s parting words to Rollins as they rejoined their teams were, “It’s on again.” Obviously, he’s hired Michael Bay to write all of his copy. I, for one, support this 100%.
The Mets and Phillies are just a couple of weeks away from renewing their rivalry. Sure, the Marlins and Braves think that they can contend in the NL East and we think that’s adorable. And the Nationals? Didn’t they move back to Montreal to begin touring as the opponent of the Harlem Globetrotters? It’s the Mets and the Phillies. It’s David Wright and Jimmy Rollins. There’s a new cold war and we’re at DEFCON 1.
The Wright Stache is thrilled that David has thrown down the gauntlet and is already posturing. But David, if you’re going to sound like an action movie star, don’t you think that you should start looking like one?
David Wright has rejoined the Mets for Grapefruit League action after his WBC heroics and disappointing semifinal loss. Now he gets back to the task at hand: Growing a mustache so that the Mets can win the 2009 World Series. While he’s back with the team, he’ll be sitting out today’s friendly against the ghastly Astros in Kissimmee.
David Lennon speculates that Jerry Manuel will probably rest David until Friday to let him catch his breath and stay off his bum toe. But come Friday, it’ll be all David all the time. Except for when the Mets have an off day. Or when Jerry gives David a rest. But the rest of the time…
Fernando Tatis will play third today and star prospect Reese Havens will make his Grapefruit Leage debut when he starts at SS.
If you're a student of the game or just interested in baseball history, you may have considered testing
your knowledge through online sports betting. Ask yourself,
what would Ty Cobb do?
When they said they’re bringing back the old Mets to celebrate the opening of Citi Field, I didn’t realize they meant the blooper-reel spirit of Marvelous Marv Throneberry was invited too.
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April 14, 2009 4:23 pm | 
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