More Hair News: The Brewers’ Black Beauties

Speaking of haircuts, the Brewers’ J.J. Hardy and All-Star outfielder Corey Hart dyed their hair black together in an effort to break out of matching slumps. How cute. For Hardy, the move is largely nonsensical, considering his hair is already a dark brown-blackish. And for the naturally golden-blond Hart? It’s downright pathetic… and the mark of a true pansy. Unfortunately, for the sake of this post, it’s kind of working for Hart who has, since dying his hair on April 19th, raised his batting average from a meager .250 to a somewhat-more-respectable .278.

Here at The Wright Stache, we have but one question for the new Beautiful Boys of the Brewers: Are you guys joking? Major League Baseball players don’t cry. Major League Baseball players don’t polish their nails. And Major League Baseball players sure as hell don’t dye their hair black. Girls dye their hair black. Goth kids dye their hair black. Keith Hernandez dyes his hair black (but he gets millions to do so – so its OK).

Baseball is about playing tough – both physically and mentally. It’s about playing hard and battling through slumps, and not relying on gimmicks or trickery to be a better player. It’s about relentless passion and a drive to be better than your opponent, be it an opposing pitcher, or a batter trying to take you deep. And it’s about growing a damn mustache – the cornerstone of manliness and a true slice of Americana: just like apple pie, hot dogs, and Baseball itself.

J.J. and Corey: you’ve embarrassed your team and yourselves. Shave your heads immediately. That is all.

Stache-Off: 1982 Brewers vs. 1986 Mets

We love a good challenge and nothing gets us chomping at the bit more than someone challenging us to a good old-fashioned stache-off.  You see, we’ll stack the 1986 Mets and their staches up against any team from any era.  Why?  Because we’re confident that Metstaches are the best staches.  So, you can imagine our giddiness when we received the picture to the right along with the note below from Matt Brukman.  We welcome your challange, Matt, and apologize that you will have to walk away with your stache between your legs.

First, let’s look at Matt’s opening salvo:

The Mets are amateurs. See the attached t-shirt graphic for the true masters of hirsute baseball goodness.

The battle (and a larger version of the photo) after the jump. Read more »

Better Know a Metstache: Jose Valentin

Nowadays, it’s not uncommon for a gang of Mets fans to sit around a fire with a cold case of beer and talk mustache-lore of past and present. The usual suspects often come to mind… Hernandez, HoJo, Franco, Piazza and the like. But often, a very prominent stache is over looked. A stache that should be a lot more fresh on people’s minds. And that’s the stache of the man himself, The Stache. Of course I’m referring to Jose Valetin, the veteran infielder who made an amazing resurgence as the star second basemen of the 2006 Mets. The angular slant of his dark brown stache was commonly viewed as being porno-esque, and earned him the nickname, “The Stache”. Read more »