Hell of a game last night, kiddies. I like to think that the Mets were inspired by The Wright Stache’s presence in the Fenway stands. Dear friend o’ the stache Jess Arb sent in this picture of Adam Kubyrk at last night’s game rockin’ his OFFICIAL WRIGHT STACHE T-SHIRT!
Don’t have one yet? Well why not fix that right now?
And once you have your shirts, send us pictures of you donning them at Mets games, mustache conventions, with your mustachioed friends and family and anywhere else where The Wright Stache is spreading joy. We’ll publish your picture on the site and make you the envy of everyone you know.
Email us at contactATthewrightstache.com.
Buy a shirt.
What makes a leader?
This was the question inexpertly tossed around* by that daffy broadcasting duo Joe Morgan and Steve Phillips, while the Amazins balked and bases-loaded GIDP-ed their way to a 2-0 losing conclusion to an otherwise successful 4-day vacation in San Fran.
The context was a re-hashing of the pre-winning-streak brouhaha over comments by Omar Minaya that suggested the Mets needed more of an edge.
“Some people see edge as leadership. Sometimes, you need a little meanness to your game. Some people perceive leadership as meanness.
“I couldn’t tell you that we have that type of guy. We have leaders. But everyone’s perception of leadership is different.”
Well, as everyone** knows, when a GM calls his team out for not having a leader, the first guy to respond gets the gig. Since then, David Wright has let his bat do most of the talking, and now everything is hunky dory. But he did at least offer the following to the New York Daily News:
“The definition of edge is going out there and getting a few wins, and then all of a sudden you don’t have to worry about anyone talking about edge anymore”
Well, they’ve got a few wins. But do the Mets have a true leader? What makes such a leader? And most importantly could Steve Phillips be any more of a horse’s patoot what is that that sixth tool*** that separates the leaders from the lineup fodder? To answer this, when we say “Jump” the Wright Stache will consult the acknowledged leader in defining leadership:
Motivational posters!
Jump.
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Yesterday, JCP and I took The Wright Stache to the Mets game, donning brand-spankin’ new Wright Stache T-Shirts for all to admire; JCP with his lovely girlfriend Emily, and I, Hairy Backman, with my Mother and Father in celebration of Mothers Day. Not only did we get to witness a proper sweeping of the lowly Pittsburgh Pirates on a beautiful Spring Day, but we were also able to spread the word of the Wright Stache on our backs; sparking both interest and excitement from Mets Fans of all corners of New York’s perfect ballpark, Citi Field. Check out these photos, courtesy of Mom (whose husband, my Dad, has sported an elite baseball mustache for the better part of his life…more on that in an upcoming post circa Father’s Day):
Selling some Wright Stache swag pre-game.
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omir santostache
=
That is all.
Upper lip hair = upper 90's fastball.
The MLB tonight crew takes a critical look at the mechanics of Oliver Perez and comes up with an interesting diagnosis in this video clip. While “no stache” isn’t one of the reasons given, we’ll just go out on a limb and assume that this critical fact was omitted because of how obvious it is. No stache = no concentration. Get on it, Ollie.
Today is Hairy Backman’s birthday! Please join all of us here at The Wright Stache in wishing him a very happy birthday filled with dreams fulfilled and staches grown.
We here at the Wright Stache believe that while you should always accept the mustache when it calls upon you, a stache cannot be grown just for the sake of it.
Such was the sad case of Rick Ankiel’s newly erstwhile mustache. Like its bearer, Ankiel’s mustache looked hot from the start, but suddenly, inexplicably turned wild.
Services for the fallen barbs, which are now making their way through the St. Louis Metropolitan Wastewater System, were held last week at the American Mustache Institute.
The passing of Ankiel’s young cover did, however, provide one last parting gift, serving as the impetus for AMI bloggers to discover the word “labia sebucula.”
It’s Latin.
It means “lip sweater.”
And for bloggers staring down a 162-game season of writing about mustaches, every available synonym for “mustache” is pure gold.
Thus we bid adieu to the unfortunate Ankielstache. You couldn’t make it out of the 1st inning. But in your few furry days of existence, you certainly left us some wonderful memories.
Ed. Note: We at The Wright Stache were thrilled to hear that Rick Ankiel was not seriously injured after his collision with the wall last night. Neck/back injuries are no laughing matter. No word yet on whether a mustache would have provided some padding.
Beltran is batting .400 since he hit puberty.
From Ryan Church’s first at bat, Gary and Keith were talking about how several of the Mets, including Carlos Beltran, were sporting a bit of stubble last night in Atlanta. Maybe it was because the flight delays that led to 12 hours of travel from Philadelphia to Atlanta. Maybe it was in response to the cold, wet weather that blanketed the East Coast. Or maybe, just maybe, it was because the Mets needed some edge and they follow The Wright Stache on Twitter.
No matter the reason, the Amazins looked like confident men instead of confused boys last night. Beltran continued to lead the universe in hitting and added two home runs. Jose Reyes swiped two bases. And, of course, David Wright hit a home run and a double while showing signs of breaking out of his April slump.
Keep the razors packed up, fellas. The stubble looks good. And it plays even better.
Ed. Note: Those last three sentences are the most homoerotic paragraph ever printed on this site.
Without the mustache, Ted Nugent is pretty vanilla.
Over the weekend, there was much talk and consternation over Omar Minaya’s comments that the Mets lacked “edge.” In fact, he said that the team’s lack of edge is why he brought in Alex Cora and Gary Sheffield. That was Omar’s response to how smooth the Mets are (smooth is the opposite of edgy, right?). Seems to me, though, that there is an easier (and cheaper) way to gain an edge. Mustaches.
I don’t know much about Alex Cora, other than he’s 33 and looks 12. Not exactly edgy. As for Sheff, well, that dude wasn’t born edgy. He had an edgy mentor.
But at the end of the day, nothing adds edge like smoking cigarettes a mustache. Now more than ever the Mets need David Wright to grow a mustache. He’s the captain. He’s the leader. He can be the edge.
If not David, I know a certain someone who looked pretty edgy with a stache (and there may just be a spot in the rotation available).
Oliver Perez likes facial hair. But something’s missing. Can you guess what?
Meanwhile, he’ll be plying his “trade” in the bullpen for now.
Greetings from the American League, which is like real baseball except instead of every position player taking his turn at the dish, the pitcher gets to send some geriatric out of the WWE to swing in his place.
There's a fog in Northern Queens, and my friend has lost his swing. They'll be winning soon they said; now they've lost themselves instead.
I know it’s been a rough time in Metland. Not only has our facial Sampson not grown a stache, but he even went negative-hair. Cue Wrightslump.
Over here in AL-la land, we have this kid named Zack Greinke. By now you’ve probably heard of him. He pitches for Kansas City. He wishes he was born a shortstop. He’s un-hittable. I’ve heard of hot streaks, but nobody could get so much as an earned run on him in four straight starts. Yet Wednesday night, someone in the American League finally managed to put up a score on this kid. How’d we do it? Ask the Policeman on the Street…
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Meet me at the hotel after the game. I'll bring the dye and curling irons, you bring the Lady GaGa Mixtape.
Speaking of haircuts, the Brewers’ J.J. Hardy and All-Star outfielder Corey Hart dyed their hair black together in an effort to break out of matching slumps. How cute. For Hardy, the move is largely nonsensical, considering his hair is already a dark brown-blackish. And for the naturally golden-blond Hart? It’s downright pathetic… and the mark of a true pansy. Unfortunately, for the sake of this post, it’s kind of working for Hart who has, since dying his hair on April 19th, raised his batting average from a meager .250 to a somewhat-more-respectable .278.
Here at The Wright Stache, we have but one question for the new Beautiful Boys of the Brewers: Are you guys joking? Major League Baseball players don’t cry. Major League Baseball players don’t polish their nails. And Major League Baseball players sure as hell don’t dye their hair black. Girls dye their hair black. Goth kids dye their hair black. Keith Hernandez dyes his hair black (but he gets millions to do so – so its OK).
Baseball is about playing tough – both physically and mentally. It’s about playing hard and battling through slumps, and not relying on gimmicks or trickery to be a better player. It’s about relentless passion and a drive to be better than your opponent, be it an opposing pitcher, or a batter trying to take you deep. And it’s about growing a damn mustache – the cornerstone of manliness and a true slice of Americana: just like apple pie, hot dogs, and Baseball itself.
J.J. and Corey: you’ve embarrassed your team and yourselves. Shave your heads immediately. That is all.
Ahoy, Mets Weekly viewers! We’re glad you found our segment on SNY interesting enough to google our cause and come see what The Wright Stache is all about. Come take a look around, won’t you? Here are some things that should help you get started:
Come and visit us often. Without you, we’re just weird dudes who want David Wright to grow a mustache. With you, we’re a movement. Support the cause. Make The Wright Stache a part of your daily routine.
Thank you and welcome home.
It’s big, massive, exciting, ridiculous announcement time. Hairy Backman, JCP and I, Teufel Stubble, will be appearing on SNY’s Mets Weekly tomorrow at 11:00am. Tune in to see the three of us discuss the site, the Mets and, of course, mustaches.
We filmed the piece a few weeks ago after they tracked us down and invited us to join them at the Mets Clubhouse Shop at Bryant Park. Needless to say, we are thrilled that we get to share our message of love, baseball and mustaches with a television audience.
So, remember:
The Wright Stache on SNY’s Mets Weekly.
Saturday, April 11 – 11:00am
DVR/TiVo it. Tell your friends to watch. Hell, invite them over for a viewing party.
It will be replayed on Monday at 1:30pm, Tuesday at midnight (technically Wednesday morning), Wednesday at 6:30pm and Friday at 12:30am.
Simply studly.
Every once in a while, we feel the need to inform our readers of important new products in the mustache-marketplace (Read:
please buy a TWS t-shirt!). So when we received an email from the creators of Stachetastic, a new iPhone application that lets users easily place realistic mustaches on photos of their choosing, we went bananas. Yup – BANANAS. And then we wrote this blog post.
And if that’s not enough of a ringing endorsement, take a gander at the photo to the right. Yup – that’s a real example of some of the excellent work Stachetastic can handle with ease. If you have an iPhone or iPod touch, and you enjoy wasting countless hours of your day painting fake mustaches on pictures of yourself or professional athletes, then head on over to the Stachetastic website to buy it immediately.
Fuzzy faces hit to spaces. Ya dig?
This morning,
MetsBlog pointed out several stories from the
Daily News,
SNY,
Bergen Record, and
Newsday that claim that Luis Castillo is currently the best hitter on the Mets. He’s currently batting .389 on the season, and .444 with RISP, an area in which the Mets have lacked his season. This is great news for Mets fans, considering Luis’ struggles over the past couple of seasons and concerns as to whether or not he would have an impact this year.
Of course, its impossible to ignore the fact that Luis rocks facial hair. Because of his beard and connectors, we can’t officially call the growth on his face a mustache. But there’s no doubt that the face sweater he’s wearing on these cold April nights have helped him stay warm and continue to make contact with the ball. And similarly, the goatee-sporting Carlos Delgado has carried his hot streak from 2008 over into 2009, currently batting .304 with 3 home runs and 14 RBIs.
On the flip-side, our Golden Boy, David Wright, has been struggling at the plate with 15 strikeouts and a .289 average. As we pointed out in an earlier post, history shows us David tends to struggle in the colder months and surge in the warmer months of the baseball season. This season is shaping up to be no different, further reinforcing our point that the man needs to keep his face toasty if he wants his team to dominate the NL East.
When they said they’re bringing back the old Mets to celebrate the opening of Citi Field, I didn’t realize they meant the blooper-reel spirit of Marvelous Marv Throneberry was invited too.
One particular event of last night’s game, however, stood out to me as more than a little Marv.
A lot of things can happen in baseball, but a guy who’s 6′7, with enough coordination to consistently whip a baseball over 95 mph into a 6-inch by 6-inch window that’s about 60 feet, 10 inches* from his release point, does not just…fall…down!
Something had to be underfoot.
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I'm the greatest hitting catcher in Mets History.
Good morning to the fine and friendly readers of The Wright Stache. Today is Monday, April 13th. Tonight marks the Mets 2009 Home Opener at the brand spankin’ new Citi Field. Mets Legend Tom Seaver will be throwing the ceremonial first pitch tonight. And on the receiving end of that pitch? None other than the greatest catcher in Mets and Metstache history, Mike Piazza.
The blogosphere has been giving Mike a lot of junk lately, saying this and that about how he may have used steroids. We won’t take a position on that one way or another, because here at the ’stache, we stick to the real issues. And by real issues, I’m talkin’ Handlebar or Fu-Chu. Walrus or Imperial. Pencil-thin or Thick-as-Thieves. Ya dig?
Mike toyed with several different styles throughout his career before shaving it all off a couple of years ago. But we’re assuming (hoping) he pulled a surprise-growth for old times sake and shows it off at Citi tonight. If he does, we’re taking it as a symbolic tip-of-the-cap towards The Wright Stache movement.
Yahoo! Sports today had a little fantasy advice on the baseball front page.
No. 2 on the cold list? Take a look for yourself:
I know what you’re thinking (aside from I think Lance Berkman is giving me the Hey-yo eyes)…
Yeah, I wish I could hit .316 for a week and be called cold too. But this is perennial MVP candidate David Wright we’re talking about; I think he can do better, and Yahoo! does too.
Until the spring chill gets replaced by the summer sun, those sweet swings are still gonna land inside the fences, and there’s nothing we can do about that. But see that thermometer beside D-Wright? That’s lip temperature right there. And we CAN do something about THAT!
-Misopogon
P.S. On the cold pitcher list:
Awwwwwwwwwwwww.
Fan Submissions, Updates | Teufel Stubble | 
May 24, 2009 | 
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