We failed. At getting David to grow a ’stache and at winning, period. Girlfriend O’ The Stache Emily and I attended yesterday’s win over the Astros, and it was one of very few bright spots in a season that was miserable but definitely not forgettable. Regarding the season, I leave you with this thought: better to have a journeyman throw a complete game shutout than to completely blow your team’s playoff chances on the last day of the season for the third season in a row, no? Regarding David’s lack of whiskers, I leave you with this thought: there’s always next year. David will be all the older and more hairy.
Please enjoy the Wright Stache theme song, posted above, one last time. It’s really a gem if we do say so ourselves!
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Bask in it. Stare at it longlingly. Rub your face on the screen right now and imagine it tickling your cheeks. There are staches that just rest there on the upper lip and then there are staches that transcend facial hair and mean so much more to society. These are the staches that act as a beacon of hope in a sea of naked lips.
He may be slumping. He may be bald. But David Wright is not going hungry. Foley’s New York, a baseball-centric pub in Midtown has introduced The David Wright Sandwich. The sandwich boasts grilled chicken in Buffalo sauce, blue cheese, lettuce and tomato on a club roll.
David’s not from Buffalo. I’m not quite sure why this sandwich is The David Wright Sandwich, but hey, it’s always been a dream of mine to have a sandwich named after me, so color me jealous. And, Foley’s will donate $2 to David charitable foundation for every David Wright Sandwich that they sell.
I’m sure it’s a delicious and overpriced sandwich. I’m just hoping that, if David ever cooks one up himself, he’ll need to wear one of these.
With his average plummeting to well below .300 and his strikeouts leading the known universe, David Wright took drastic measures to break out of his slump. He knew that success is directly related to hair, so he decided to take immediate follicle action. Sadly (for us), he was a little misguided in his quest to improve his performance. Rather than beginning to grow a stache, David buzzed his head.
Now, I am a strong advocate of a buzzed head. Sport it myself. I make it look good. But I’m not going 30/30 anytime soon. And neither will David if he doesn’t start thinking about adding hair rather than removing it.
We appreciate his motives. We respect his willingness to shake things up aesthetically to get out of these doldrums. But, David, come on! Naked lips don’t win championships! It rhymes for a reason.
In other news, word from Will Leitch’s Twitter is that Rick Ankiel shaved his mustache. Quitter.
Failed pitcher, occasional slugger and current horrendous batter Rick Ankiel has himself a mustache. While watching the first game of the Mets-Cardinals series, I couldn’t help but notice that Dick Ankiel had something on his upper lip. I had a hard time making out what it was while he was striking out, but as he coasted into second base while Daniel Murphy missed his 75th cutoff man of the season I saw it bushy and clear.
As we’ve said before, a man does not choose his facial hair. His facial hair chooses him. Clearly, the mustache did not choose Rick Ankiel. A career .262 hitter entering the 2009 campaign, the former pitcher (if you can call what he did pitching) was hitting .190 entering last night’s action (he’s up to .227 now). If he was hoping that the mustache would be a slump-buster, he was sorely mistaken*.
When will people learn that the mustache is not some lucky charm like a rabbit’s foot or horseshoe. It’s not a matter of choice. It’s something deeper than that. Something existential. Something that Rick Ankiel doesn’t deserve.
* Last night’s hit barrage notwithstanding – his OBP is still only .306.
Well, that was exciting. Mike Pelfrey looked shaky, then settled down. The bats looked lively and the heart of the order showed potency that lasted longer than four hours (they should consult their physician) and the bullpen was just good enough to hang on for the 9-7 win over the Cincinnati Reds.
The Carloses went 4 for 9 with four runs scored, six RBI and one HR by the bald one. As for our non-mustached third baseman, he went 1 for 4 with three runs scored and a walk. His one hit came in the 7th inning when he appeared to be sporting some late evening stubble, once again supporting our theory that David performs better when he has some facial hair to keep him warm during this chilly Spring games.
It wasn’t the prettiest win but this isn’t a beauty contest. Which is a plus, because Ramon Castro has no business putting on an evening gown.
Minor League Baseball is always more in touch with the fans. They understand that baseball is a game and that it’s played for our enjoyment. Minor League Baseball is about passion, love for the game and reminds us of simpler times. And Minor League Baseball is willing to acknowledge the stache.
TWS Detroit Bureau Chief Misopogon checks in with this tidbit about MiLB’s favorite Minor’s mustache fan poll. As it turns out, some of the youngins out there are growing staches, embracing the lifestyle and showing the world that it’s awesome to have a mustache.
Granted, this news is from last season, but hey, that’s OK. What’s matters is that staches are developing themselves in the minors. Honing their game. Working out the kinks and learning to become Major League mustaches. That means that we’ll soon have some well-seasoned, mature mustaches in the Bigs.
I’m not suggesting that David be sent down to Buffalo to work on his mustache. I’m just saying that the coaches in Binghamton and Norfolk failed him (I’m looking at you, John Stearns and Ken Oberkfell).
Keeping reaching for the stars, Minor League staches! You’ll get your cup of coffee soon.
Daniel Murphy looked as good as he did all Spring. The bullpen lived up to the promise. And the Mets won their opener against the Cincinnati Reds. With the win, the Mets surged from out of nowhere into a first-place tie in the National East. Quite the turnaround for a team that was winless as recently as yesterday.
As for David Wright, he began the season without a mustache. He went 1-3 with two walks and two adventures on the basepaths. He was thrown out at home after being given the go-ahead by the appropriately named (for this blog’s purposes) Razor Shines. Later, he was picked off of first while representing a potential insurance run.
So, a mixed bag on day 1. A Mets win but an inconsistent day from David, who clearly would have benefited from a stache.
1 down. 161 (plus playoffs) to go. Let’s GROW Mets!
Every year an average of 23 people are attacked by Hawaii's rainbows.
I was scouring the internet for mustache news while watching the Mets cling to a 2-1 lead over the Reds and stumbled across this story. Back on March 26, the University of Hawaii baseball team was no-hit by Coastal Carolina (Hawaii’s natural rival). One player had the final chance to avoid the no-hitter: Kevin Macdonald. And this, folks, is where things got hairy. Read more »
One of the reasons that Gary Sheffield signed with the Mets is that David Wright texted him. David sent an SMS to the slugger to recruit him to join the blue and orange. That, along with the urging of his uncle, Dwight Gooden, led Sheffield to sign the one-year deal with the Mets.
Sheffield acknowldeged that he’s reached a point in his career when he’s no longer a superstar. He sounded agreeable to coming off the bench and being a part of a team effort to win a championship.
Jerry Manuel said that Sheffield will not play the field during the series in Cincinnati to allow the aging outfielder to get into playing shape. He’ll pinch hit and wear ridiculous sunglasses while he gets his throwing arm warmed up.
So there you have it. David booty texted Gary and now they’re friends with benefits.
Doc taught Gary everything he knew about scowling. Optional second caption: Just let your sooooouuuuul glooooooow.
Everyone and their mother are reporting that the Mets have signed Gary Sheffield to a pro-rated $400,000 contract. He was released earlier this week by the Tigers who will relax their gag reflex and swallow the girth of his $14 million 2009 salary. Along with the $400K, the Mets apparently have promised Sheff “significant playing time” (as reported on WFAN via Mets Merized Online).
Well, the Mets are about 10 years and five dozen temper tantrums too late on this one. Sheffield wanted to be a Met years ago when he still viewed them as the team for whom his uncle, Dwight Gooden, played. Now he’s just the guy who batted .225 with an OPS of .725 in 2008. He’s injury and sulking prone, his skills are diminishing and he doesn’t have a mustache. Frankly, we’re baffled.
This most likely signals the end of the glorious Marlon Anderson era and kills any interest that the team may have had in Frank Catalanotto, who would have been a major upgrade on the bench and a delight to have in the clubhouse. Instead, we get Surly McGeriatric.
Here’s hoping he regains his bat speed, keeps his mouth shut and teaches David how to harness his testosterone into something productive. Worst case scenario, he hits below the Mendoza line, we cut him with minimal financial loss and he teaches José how to rock a stellar jheri curl.
With nary a stache in sight on young David Wright’s face, Sports Illustrated has seen fit to predict that the New York Metropolotans will win the 2009 World Series. The magazine foresees the Mets beating the Dodgers in the NLDS (that sounds familiar) and the Cubs in the NLCS. And then, in the Fall Classic, SI pics the Mets over the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim in California in the United States within North America on Earth.
Now, these predictions were made pre-stache. One can only assume that SI believes in The Wright Stache’s ability to convince David to grow the stache. Why else would they be so confident in the Mets chances? So, we would like to thank Sports Illustrated for believing in the cause.
Tonight, finally, David Wright will start at third base in a Grapefruit League game for the Amazins. When the Mets take the field against the Nationals, David will be at the hot corner, Johan will be on the mound and the Mets will begin to resemble the team that we’ll be watching march to a championship in 2009.
Murph and Church are getting the night off since they have played more Spring ball than any other Mets. Tatis and Kielty will man the corner outfield spots, but otherwise the lineup will finally look normal. No more toddlers pretending to play with the big boys, no more guys with abnormally high uniform numbers making us yawn as we attempt to watch exhibition games through till he ninth inning.
Opening Day is on the horizon. David is back. It’s time to stache up in earnest, people. In many ways, the season starts today.
You wouldn’t think that The Wright Stache and American Idol would ever cross paths. I mean, if it was Mustache Idol, we’d get on board. But, last night the worlds of The Wright Stache and American Idol briefly intersected orbits.
Fantastic friend o’ the stache, Dan Weiss, gave us the heads up that apparently this Simon Cowell fella drew a mustache on that drunk lady. I’m still confused as to why MC Skat Kat wasn’t there, but I guess I’m just out of the loop.
Anyways, it’s been another delightful day in The Wright Stache neighborhood. Tomorrow’s Friday, so we’ll be here to get you through the last day of your work week. Do join us.
Charles Bronson starred briefly for the 1986 Mets.
MetsBlog is reporting that SNY has announced that Bobby Ojeda will be joining the studio crew as lead analyst for both pre- and post-game shows. Why is this important to The Wright Stache? Bobby O. happens to be my favorite Metstache of all-time!
You’ll learn more about my infatuation with Bobby Ojeda’s stache in a future installment of Better Know a Metstache. I want to do it justice by taking the time to craft the masterpiece that it deserves. Just know that I always heterosexually swoon when I see a picture of a mustachioed Bobby O. He just looks so distinguished – like a more athletic Clark Gable. Also know that it is totally, 100% possible to heterosexually swoon.
Welcome to the team, Bobby. Your icy stare is sure to have us captivated and will hopefully distract us from Darryl Strawberry’s complete inability to utter a coherent sentence.
For weeks, David Wright and Jimmy Rollins were teammates. They were partners on the left side of the Team USA infield. They worked together, ate together and showered together. But the WBC is over. The détente has expired. According to Adam Rubin, Wright’s parting words to Rollins as they rejoined their teams were, “It’s on again.” Obviously, he’s hired Michael Bay to write all of his copy. I, for one, support this 100%.
The Mets and Phillies are just a couple of weeks away from renewing their rivalry. Sure, the Marlins and Braves think that they can contend in the NL East and we think that’s adorable. And the Nationals? Didn’t they move back to Montreal to begin touring as the opponent of the Harlem Globetrotters? It’s the Mets and the Phillies. It’s David Wright and Jimmy Rollins. There’s a new cold war and we’re at DEFCON 1.
The Wright Stache is thrilled that David has thrown down the gauntlet and is already posturing. But David, if you’re going to sound like an action movie star, don’t you think that you should start looking like one?
David Wright has rejoined the Mets for Grapefruit League action after his WBC heroics and disappointing semifinal loss. Now he gets back to the task at hand: Growing a mustache so that the Mets can win the 2009 World Series. While he’s back with the team, he’ll be sitting out today’s friendly against the ghastly Astros in Kissimmee.
David Lennon speculates that Jerry Manuel will probably rest David until Friday to let him catch his breath and stay off his bum toe. But come Friday, it’ll be all David all the time. Except for when the Mets have an off day. Or when Jerry gives David a rest. But the rest of the time…
Fernando Tatis will play third today and star prospect Reese Havens will make his Grapefruit Leage debut when he starts at SS.
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News | Jose's Chin Pubes | 
October 5, 2009 | 
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