George Brett Poos His Pants

This has nothing to do with David Wright or mustaches… I’m not even sure it’s real. But holy hell is it funny. George Brett has a story to tell and just can’t hold himself back, despite the visible disinterest of his teammates. Enjoy.

Who’s the pitchers in this game?

Long Island Wants to Secede from New York

With all due respect to my good friends from Long Island (including Mr. Hairy Backman and Mr. Teuffel Stubble, as well as my mom and like, everyone ever) this is some of Jon Stewart’s best work to date. The fact that Long Island wants to secede from New York is funny enough, but The Daily Show takes it to the next level.

How To Trim a Mustache

Whilst bemoaning the awfully embarrassing disaster otherwise known as “this past weekend,” I resorted to a usual past-time of mine since the American one is letting me down as of late: trawling YouTube for mustache-related videos.

If David’s worried about the potentially time-intensive upkeep of a well-groomed mustache, we’d like to offer this video to him as proof that maintaining your mustache is as easy as catching an infield pop-up boiling water. It’s all about the wink at the end!

Stache’ Shirt Spotting at Mets Victory Over Phils

"Maybe this shirt will help me get a beer faster."

Speaking of Wright Stache t-shirts, Friend O’ the Stache and OhMurph.com proprietor Craig Kesten spotted someone (pictured, right — apologies for crappy cell phone photo quality) wearing one at yesterday’s riveting 6-5 win over the Phils. Whoever you are, thanks for the support, dude!

D-Wright went 2-4 with a homerun last night, only his fourth dinger of the season — perhaps an upper-lip flavor savor would help those power numbers Jerry is calling for?

Stache Outing: 5/31/09

The Wright Stache crew had another successful outing at Citi Field on the fine afternoon of May 31st; JCP and Girlfriend O’ The Stache Emily headed out early to hawk shirts (order yours here!) in the parking lot (formerly Shea, R.I.P.) to much success: we had six Wright Stache converts, and two more after the game! Excuse the shoddy image quality and “proof” verbiage; we thank the Mets’ fine “Amazin’ Fan Photos” photographers for their generosity, but we ain’t payin’ no $15 for a print.

JCP hawking his wares:

Get yer' Wright Stache t-shirt heeeeeere!

More Stache photos after the jump…

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Star Trek star Chris Pine looks kinda like David Wright

That is all.

-JCP

Would Ramon Castro Be Able to Out-run a Zamboni?

Welcome to New York. Now grow a stache, kid.

That’s the question that The Matts of MeetTheMatts.com asked about the now former Met catcher, aka “The Hippo,” in their hilarious recent interview with another departed Met, Duaner Sanchez. Ramon, it’s been a swell four years and you’ve done as proud, but it’s hard to argue with the way Omir “Stache” Santos has been performing in the bigs this year. We’ll miss you, Hippo.

In other news, the Mets lost Carlos Beltran and John Maine to a mysterious “stomach bug” this weekend, but not before the latter pitched 6 stellar innings to win the rubber match of the Mets 3-game stand against the Fish. Angel Pagan had no such luck and was removed with a tweaked groin after chasing down a hit in the outfield. Dude’s a gamer, but he’s just got some serious bad luck with injuries… we should start calling him “Moises.”

We’d like to extend a warm Wright Stache welcome to Lance Broadway, the minor league pitcher we acquired in from the White Sox in the Ramon Castro trade. Broadway has been assigned to AAA Buffalo and inserted into the starting rotation. We think that pale, white, clean-shaven face would look mighty fine with a stache. Don’t you?

The ‘Stache Gets Some Love on ESPN

Yesterday we reported on Clay Zavada’s glorious lip-sweater that should serve as an inspiration to a certain clean-shaven third baseman in Queens. Apparently ESPN took notice too, as they interviewed Friend O’ The Stache and Chairman of the American Mustache Institute Dr. Aaron Perlut about Zavada’s stache and the role of the cookie-duster in baseball, past and present. Dr. Perlut throws around some fantastic ’stache lingo (“flavor-saving instrument of justice” [!]) and even provides a statistical analysis of Rick Ankiel’s stache experiment of which The Wright Stache Statistics Department (TWSSD for short) highly approves. Watch the whole interview clip from ESPN below.

1am Shadow

"This dirt makes good mustache wax."

D-Wright was absolutely scorching over the weekend in San Francisco. Might it be that David is shining on the west coast because his facial hair is that much more full at the late hours (by East Coast standards) at which he is forced to play? We can only surmise.

David’s 4 stolen bases against the Giants on Thursday night tied a club record set by Vince Coleman twice and matched by Roger Cedeno in 1999. But even more impressive is the following record, dug up by (who else?) The Elias Sports Bureau and reported by The New York Times:

David Wright is the first player since 1920 to have at least nine hits, nine runs batted in and five stolen bases over a three-game span, according to the Elias Sports Bureau.

HotFootBlog.com reports a week’s worth of stats that are even more astounding:

For the week between May 11 – May 17, David Wright’s been hitting a red hot .556, with 3 doubles, a triple, 9 RBI, and a 1.366 OPS.

The very definition of “hot.” He’s been doing it in the clucth, to boot. That 10pm-1am shadow must be the key. It must be.

Bud Light Real Men of Genius: Mr. Handlebar Mustache Wearer

It takes a real fashion pioneer to know some things never go out of style. Chew on that, David.

Win Free Mets Tickets Courtesy of MeetTheMatts.com!

Our Friends o’ the Stache over at MeetTheMatts.com are having an ongoing trivia contest in which the winner receives a pair of tickets to a Mets game at an interleague series of their choice! Alls ya gotta do is know lots of useless stuff about sports, a skill at which we’re guessing our Wright Stahce Wregulars are pretty adept. In addition to the pair of free tix, you’ll also get $50 cash to spend at the game on such wonderful Citi delicacies as Blue Smoke ribs, Shake Shack Burgers, delicious fountain sodas, Brooklyn Brewery beer, or hell… anything you want, really. Head on over to MeetTheMatts.com to join in on the fun!

Omir Santostache

omir santostache

What’s Wrong With Ollie?

Upper lip hair = upper 90's fastball.

The MLB tonight crew takes a critical look at the mechanics of Oliver Perez and comes up with an interesting diagnosis in this video clip. While “no stache” isn’t one of the reasons given, we’ll just go out on a limb and assume that this critical fact was omitted because of how obvious it is. No stache = no concentration. Get on it, Ollie.

Murphstache!

"I look older with a mustache!"

The friends o’ the Stache and ardent Mets supporters at OhMurph.com — a site we profiled here last week devoted to renaming the fans in the left field stands Murphaholics — sent us a challenge we couldn’t refuse: draw up some images of Daniel Murphy with a mustache. Photoshop expert and ’stache extraordinaire Misopogon got right on the task, and came up with some very studly images of what one New York Mets left fielder would look like with some upper-lip hair. The “promo shot” style stachepic at right is worthy of scoreboard display at Shea, while two additional Murphy stachepics — after the jump — show the Murph in action!

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Oh Murph!

Thought us WrightStachians were the only ones with a cause-based website devoted to a single Met? Not so. OhMurph.com is new website devoted solely to renaming Citi’s left field fans “Murphaholics.” While it’d be easy to take a cheap shot at Daniel Murphy and point out that “Oh Murph!” is what I find myself saying on cue with each daily Murph fielding gaffe (oh snap, I just did!), I actually quite like the guy and hope he can sort out his current problems. Though he reminds me of Todd Hundley in left field circa 1998, he’s got quite the bat and a bright future ahead of him. And if there’s anything that Mets fans love, it’s home-grown talent.

So whaddya say we help out our fellow Mets fans on their mission? Head on over to OhMurph.com, follow them on Twitter, and buy some Murphandise to support the cause. Together we will make Murphaholics and Mustachioed Mets reign supreme at Citi Field in 2009.

Tough As Nails

"One day I'll sell luxury jets to athletes and won't have to worry about this pesky baseball crap."

Once every year or so an article surfaces in <insert name of esteemed sports publication here> about Lenny Dykstra’s current exploits. For a while it was a car-wash chain; then it was a magazine geared towards providing luxury services for pro athletes; then it was actually providing those services; and now it’s as an investment advisor (!). This year’s piece-du-jour is by Mike Fish for ESPN, and it’s a lengthy but good read about the man we once called “Nails.” Dykstra’s life might be a bit crazy and he may be all over the map business-wise, but one thing’s been made abundantly clear from this article: he’s kind of a dick!

But he was a damn fine baseball player, and you can’t take that away from him. We can only surmise how he could have been even tougher if he’d had a stache like many of his ‘86 Mets brethren. Today’s docile Mets could learn a thing or two from Nails.

’90s Baseball Stache Highlights

Whilst trawling YouTube for my usual daily fix of mustache related fun, I came upon this video highlighting famous baseball staches of the early ’90s through a look back at baseball cards from the era. This is all well and good until the would-be filmmaker describes the mustache trend of early ’90s baseball players as “disturbing.” Absent from the list are any Mets, but we’ll forgive the poor chap for being from the South. The camera’s out of focus the entire time, too.

Come to think of it, this video sucks. It attempts to bring shame upon the ’stache, but we are above such tomfoolery. So watch it… or don’t.

The Wright Home Run Trot

"These lips sure would taste better with some hair on 'em."

Staches make players better. This much we know. While perusing this highly excellent photo set of opening day at Citi Field (with some great pictures of D-Wright’s homerun) contemplate how a hairy upper lip could affect Wright’s performance for the better. Then, take a look at this spotlight piece in today’s New York Times in which Jose Reyes professes his desire to steal home like the late, great Jackie Robinson. Maybe Jose could sport a fine stache to compliment his chin whiskers, too.

Citi Field Brick Supports TheWrightStache Mission

"We paid for these bricks to inflate our self-worth."

If you’ve had the privilege of attending a game at Citi Field yet, you’d know that as you approach the entrance to the Jackie Robinson Rotunda you’ll see a large series of engraved bricks paving the walkway, each with a personally selected message chosen by zealous suckers Mets fans willing to be gauged out of donate to charity at least $195 to have their words grace the doormat entrance-way of our beloved Mets’ new home until it’s knocked down and the next one is built for all of eternity.

One such brick (given, not the one TWS readers Daryl Stacheberry and Oliver Peachfuzz strong-armed me into contributing towards), highlighted in a recent New York Times piece, seems to have pre-emptively supported the mission of The Wright Stache:

McDowell’s Mets teams of the 1980s, with all their flash and flair, might have been what prompted the Loshiavo Family to write, “Great Hair Wins Championships!”

Loshiavo family, we could not agree more. McDowell and co. may have had some wicked flop-tops, but we all know it was their stylish lip jazz that led the ‘86 team to glory. We hope you’ll join us in our mission to get David Wright to grow a ’stache.

Perhaps we’ve inadvertently stumbled upon a pre-game meeting place for our TWS Million Mustache Marches? Get it? Stumbled upon. See what I did there? Bricks on the ground… walking… stumbled. Yeah.

-JCP

Giambi Says Ladies Love the Stache

We’re not fans of Jason Giambi’s mustache ’round The Wright Stache HQ; the way we see it, mustaches represent dignity and shouldn’t be grown for dares and jokes. But in an interview conducted by Eqsuire last fall and sent in to TWS by LadyStache, Giambi had some pretty worthwhile tips for a would-be whisker grower, including the process of growing it in and the reaction of the opposite sex — the latter of which is an issue we surmised the young, studly David might be concerned:

Interviewer: Probably the most important question, how have the ladies reacted to it?

Giambi: It’s been unbelievable, they absolutely love it, which I can’t believe. I’m almost in that category of molester to porn-star, so it’s… like I said, people absolutely love it. I think people look at it like ‘this guy’s got enough balls to actually grow a mustache.’”

So there you go, David. Be a man. Grow some balls. The ladies will love you even more.

Watch the Giambi interview below.