This is possibly the most genius thing to ever hit the Interwebs: a series of 30-second video clips of Keith Hernandez and his mustache trash-talking none other than you.
Why is Bloomberg Sports sponsoring a website and a series of pro-shot videos of Keith Hernandez being Keith Hernandez? Why is Keith Hernandez even bothering to do this? Why is it so fucking funny? Only one answer: the power of the ’stache.
David’s been growing a mighty fine beard of late… well, “beard” might be generous… but “nicely kempt scruff” is perfectly appropriate. It doesn’t quite have the majesty of a ’stache, but we’ll take what we can get here at Wright Stache HQ. Any kind of facial hair for David is a win in our book; perhaps he can convince his teammates to jump on board as well, and perhaps one day David will graduate to the distinctive whiskers of a ’stache. If anything, this proves that his “I don’t even think I could grow one” claim last year is bunk.
We failed. At getting David to grow a ’stache and at winning, period. Girlfriend O’ The Stache Emily and I attended yesterday’s win over the Astros, and it was one of very few bright spots in a season that was miserable but definitely not forgettable. Regarding the season, I leave you with this thought: better to have a journeyman throw a complete game shutout than to completely blow your team’s playoff chances on the last day of the season for the third season in a row, no? Regarding David’s lack of whiskers, I leave you with this thought: there’s always next year. David will be all the older and more hairy.
Please enjoy the Wright Stache theme song, posted above, one last time. It’s really a gem if we do say so ourselves!
Now you can be part a failed Internet campaign for only $10!
Lastly, we have a box full of leftover extra-sexy Wright Stache t-shirts!!! You can buy one now for only $10 with free shipping!! Just think, it’ll make a great item to sell to a thrift shop or at a yard sale some day. Click below to buy your size via PayPal.
Girlfriend O’ The Stache and I went to yesterday’s heartbreaking loss to the Phils. Just when it seemed like the Mets might actually pull one off and generate a 9th inning rally to overcome another hair-pulling Oliver Perez meltdown, the improbable — nay, the impossible — happened, and Jeff Francoeur hit into an unassisted triple play. To Eric Bruntlett no less, who’d already bungled two balls in that inning. On a day that Angel Pagan hit two homers, one inside the park and one out of it, an ending this crazy only seemed fitting. But that made it no less depressing. At least we got to cheer for Pedro (who booed? seriously? who are you? die in a plane crash.)
In any case, we hope David Wright is using his concussed time on the disabled list to ponder growing a mustache. Furthermore, we hope that since he’ll be away from the TV cameras for some time he’ll experiment with a little upper-lip follicle action, and upon seeing how awesome it looks he’ll decide to keep it. You never know. It’s not too late. Believe!
We’re fans of Jon Stewart here at The Wright Stache, so naturally we found amusing this Daily News bit (I found it on a subway seat, I swear, ok?) about Jon Stewart’s gift to our ailing David Wright:
Jon Stewart, host of The Daily Show and an avid Mets fan, sent Wright deli-style cold cuts.Wright, who suffered a concussion on Saturday, has been bombarded with gifts of food. “I got a lot of matzo ball soup,” Wright said.
Nothing like a giant slab of roast beef plopped on the head to help a concussion. Get well soon, David.
WRITTEN BY GUEST BLOGGER REVEREND DAVID J. CIANCIO OF BURGER CONQUEST
With our woeful Mets struggling to do anything right (last night’s Braves pummeling notwithstanding) and a 3rd Shake Shack location opened at Citi Field, we had a perfect target for a Wright Stache / Burger Conquest joint operation. But why stop at 2 blogs? We like to go big so we invited Mookie Singerman from the metal band Genghis Tron, on behalf of heavy metal blog MetalSucks, and our good friend Chuck — who somehow managed to hook up 5th row seats behind the 3rd base dugout, and also happens to run the road merch operation for Alice in Chains and others — to join in on our pursuit for a tasty burger.
If you’re a foodie like we are, you know all there is to know about the Danny Meyer “roadside” burger stand, the Shake Shack. If this is the first you have heard of it, there’s a reason for the hype; it’s awesome. You can read more by clicking here. One of our favorite summer pastimes is drinking and eating our way around a baseball park (See Yankee Stadium / Dodger Stadium Burger Conquests) this was lined up to be a lot of fun. With Mustaches adorned, we set off on our Conquest.
Tonight, The Wright Stache’s own JCP will be on hand at Citi Field to watch the woeful Mets and Livan Hernandez attempt to take the final game of the series from the less woeful San Francisco Giants. It’s a joint outing with burger-reviewing pioneers Burger Conquest at which we’ll be waiting for, waiting for, waiting for, and two innings later eating, enjoying and subsequently reviewing the Citi Field Shake Shack burger. MetalSucks‘ Vince Neilstein, Genghis Tron vocalist Mookie Singerman (his name is actually friggin’ Mookie for cryin’ out loud) and walking Mets encyclopedia Chuck Haile will also be on hand to join in on the ’stache / burger / metal fun.
A bit late, but no less relevant: Wright Stache commenter Sean alerted us to the fact that the Cardinals startering pitchers have all grown mustaches. Adam Wainwright, Kyle Lohse, Joel Piñeiro and Todd Wellemeyer sported lip-sweaters starting in early July as a way to try and change the team’s forunes, and judging by the standings today (they’re two games up on Chicago in the NL Central) it seems to be working. Said Wainright:
“We were sitting around thinking of something to do and one of the other guys said we should mix it up. We wondered how we could do it and ended up cutting mustaches that night. We won the next day.”
Oh woeful 2009 Mets, couldn’t you learn a thing or two from these Cards?
At last week’s Stache outing in which the Mets bested the Dodgers (yeah, they actually beat someone), we made a new friend on the subway on the way home from the game. Upon entering the 7 “Super Express” train waiting at the station (side note: how did it take them 40-some-odd years to think of this? brilliant.), a fine young lady sat on the seat bench with a classic stache-and-nose set of play glasses. High-fives and introductions were exchanged, and Girlfriend O’ The Stache Emily snapped these excellent photos. Thanks to Sydney C. for being a a great sport! Needless to say, now we have another supporter of David growing a ‘Stache. The other people on the train were a bit put off by the commotion, but whatevs.
"This stache entitles me to have as many mistresses as I want, free of tabloid attention."
Today is the homerun derby, otherwise known as the kinda interesting event that happens the day before that collosal waste of time also known as the All-Star Game. When thinking of homerun derbies I’ll always think about our own D-Wright’s marvelous performance in the 2006 event, in which our hero put up a sparkling performance in Round 1 only to eventually be bested by 1 total homerun by Phillies slugger Ryan Howard. The pitcher tossing D-Wright those juicy, Italian meatballs? None other than Paul Lo Duca, a man whose fiery attitude and fiery mustache we know all too well.
Lo Duca, pictured at right in his much stachier Dodgers days, had one helluva stache — even when he shaved he had a sort of built in, 5 o’clock Guido shadow. I call BS on those who heralded Lo Duca’s arrival to the Mets as a “homecoming” — the guy only lived in Brooklyn from ages 0-2, for chrissakes — but the guy had heart and attitude, something the 2009 club sorely lacks. His fierce competitor’s spirit was no doubt due to his man-whiskers; perhaps David could learn a thing or two from the man who helped propel him to national glory on that fateful night in 2006!
Frank Viola’s mustache was like his pitching style; subtle and full of finesse. A native Long Islander, Viola was welcomed with arms wide open by Mets fans anxious to recapture the glory of the ‘86 and ‘88 seasons.
Viola came to the Mets at the 1989 trading deadline after the Minnesota Twins, his long-time team which he’d led to a World Series Championship just two years earlier, soured on his request for more money. The Mets gave up fan-favorite Rick Aguilera as well as David West and Kevin Tapani, a trade that made sense at the time to acquire a front-line starter like Viola but ended up backfiring in the longterm. Viola’s first full season with the Mets ended up being his only good one; Viola was 20-12 that year with a 2.67 ERA in 35 starts, including 3 shutouts and a league-leading 249.2 innings. Frankie V started out strong in ‘91, but nagging injuries contributed to a 2-11 record down the stretch.
The Mets let Viola go to free agency after the 1991 season. He’d play two full seasons in Boston before undergoing Tommy John surgery and finishing his career with the Reds and the Blue Jays. Lifetime he went 176-150 with a 3.73 ERA, compiling 2836 innings, 1844 strikeouts, 16 shut outs and 74 complete games. His son is currently in the White Sox organization.
Girlfriend O’ The Stache Emily and I had quite the fun outing at Citi Field last night; K-Rod made it interesting at the end, but it was an all-around clean win for the Mets who edged the Dodgers 5-4. D-Wright had two key hits (still no mustache), and we sold a bunch of Wright Stache t-shirts after the game by the subway entrance, our sales no doubt helped by the Mets’ win and Wright’s strong day. We even took some funny photos on the subway with some newly-converted Wright Stachians (more on this later).
But the night belonged to 1B Daniel Murphy with his unbelievable behind-the-back toss to Brian Parnell to nail a runner in a bang-bang play at 1st base. Citi was going nuts; the dudes at OhMurph.com must’ve been ecstatic! Here it is:
Wow. Only play I can remember with that kind of acrobatic work in recent Mets history was our own D-Wright’s bare-handed grab going into left field a few years back. Amazing play!
With mustache, you're looking at the face of a future Hall of Famer.
After scoring a measly 1 run en route to a victory behind Big Pelf yesterday, the Mets appear likely to squander yet another one in agonizing fashion this afternoon in Pittsburgh. As I type this, F-Rod just blew a save and it’s tied 8-8 in the top of 10th.
David, come on dude. WTF??? Grow it already. You know you want to. You know you NEED to. Do it!
This team needs a little sass, and it needs you to grow a Mustache. Be that guy.
Happy 4th of July weekend, everyone.
[UPDATE: The Mets win! Thaaaaaaa Mets win! F U John Sterling.]
At some point over the past couple of weeks our friends over at OhMurph.com have morphed their site from a Daniel Murphy-driven campaign to a sardonic Mets version of The Onion; and it’s hilarious! Check out new articles about Prince Fielder being a fat-ass, Kevin Burkhardt’s former life as a Scandinavian prince, and Fernando Martinez’s — or “F-Mart,” as the kids are calling him — battle with acne. They’re also giving away a signed 8×10 of a young, sexy — and bearded — HoJo.
Today Big Pelf takes the hill in a 2pm game for the Mets, as he tries to stop the bleeding hemmorhaging and prevent the Mets from losing their 6th straight game for their 2nd straight series sweep. OhMurph.com has a live webchat that’ll last through the game. This afternoon I chose not to subject myself to more torture… I think.
Who could forget the spectacular 1999 Mets of ten years ago — those Mets of Sports Illustrated “Best Infield Ever” cover fame — with their triumphant playoff run and never-quit comeback attitude. That Mets lineup was stacked with hitters and runners and could never be counted out down late in a game, the seeming antithesis of this heartless 2009 team. Better days.
With the 2009 squad decimated by injury and seemingly down on their spirits (not to mention the fans’), the team could use to take a page from the book of the 1999 club. Inspired by the lyric from The Doors song “L.A. Woman,” Robin Ventura, a clubhouse leader if ever there was one, entered the clubhouse one day with t-shirts for the entire team that said “Mojo Risin’” in big, block letters. The phrase became a rallying cry for the team, displayed on the old Sharp jumbotron at Shea accompanied by The Doors tune when the Amazins needed some late-inning magic. The fans loved it, and for all that is holy in this world it did seem to inspire the team.
The 2009 Mets need some Mojo. And they need it to rise. BADLY. The ‘99 team had such fireplugs as Ventura, Rickey Henderson, Roger Cedeno, Mike Piazza and more. The 2009 Mets of June 30th have… Alex Cora. But they could also have mustaches. Think about it. How awesome would it be if the team uniformly started sporting lip-sweaters? It’d be absolutely magical, that’s what. Come on guys, get it together. And David, you’re the unnofficial captain, so lead the way.
"These snow-white uniforms look great with this jet black stache!"
Bernard Gilkey might not be one of the most famous Mets, but for any new Yorkers who lived through the awful Mets doldrums known as the mid-’90s the name should evoke a smile.
After being acquired prior to the 1996 season from the Cardinals in exchange for future superstars Erik Hiljus, Eric Ludwick and Yudith Orozio (who?), Gilkey put up one of the most impressive offensive seasons in all of Mets history. At the time his excellent stats may been overshadowed by Lance Johnson’s team records for hits and triples and Todd Hundley’s team record for homeruns — both also coming in 1996 — but his numbers are undeniable. According to AmazinAvenue.com, Gilkey’s 1996 season ranks near the top in a slew of offensive categories: 8th in OPS, 6th in runs, 10th in hits, 2nd in total bases, 1st in doubles, 3rd in RBI, 8th in OPS+, 2nd in runs created, 3rd in extra-base hits, and 10th in times on base. Gilkey batted .317 with a slugging percentage of .562, the latter of which was good for 7th on the all-time Mets list.
Gilkey was also known for his sense of fashion, shown above sporting the new-look snow-white Mets jerseys debuted in 1997, and with a wicked ’stache no doubt responsible for his epic 1996 season.
Unfortunately the odds caught up with Gilkey, and he fell back to earth in 1997 and 1998 while posting .249 and .233 batting averages, respectively. The Mets shipped him to Arizona at the trade deadline in 1998 along with Nelson Figueroa (who would return to the team 10 years later) in exchange for Willie Blair, Jorge Fabregas and cash. Bernard, it was fun while it lasted!
If you're a student of the game or just interested in baseball history, you may have considered testing
your knowledge through online sports betting. Ask yourself,
what would Ty Cobb do?
Trash Talk | Jose's Chin Pubes | 
May 13, 2010 | 
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