Able, you probably already know this, but your brother is a douchebag.
What happened? During last night’s 5-4 extra-inning fall to the Giants (not those Giants), San Fran starter Matt Cain beaned David Wright in the head with a 94-mph fastball. The helmet went flying off. David was on his back for over a minute. I said some choice words about Matt Cain. But nobody really thought he threw at David on purpose.
Is he all-Wright? Yes. David spent the night in the hospital with a concussion. Plus, there’s this good news from Francoeur (from AP reporter Howie Rumberg):
Mets outfielder Jeff Francoeur … visited Wright in the clubhouse, shortly after the All-Star walked off the field with minimal help. Francoeur said Wright made a joke from the Chris Farley movie “Tommy Boy” about where he was hit in the head.
How long? It will be awhile (UPDATE 8/17: Manuel says maybe rest of season). Most concussions are not life-threatening or career-threatening unless you start piling them up (see Lindros, Eric). This is David’s first, according to the AP. Best guesstimate, a month. But it’s a brain injury — what do you want? What we don’t want is for the Mets to rush him back, like they did with Ryan Church last year.
So this Cain kid…shall I grab the torches and call the fellas?
FWIW, pretty much nobody thinks Cain did it on purpose. Yeah, this guy doesn’t normally lose control. And he had pretty good command at that point in the game. But he’s not known for beaning guys. And if the Mets thought it was something other than an accident, Santana would have plunked Cain in his next at-bat (which, side note, another reason NL baseball is better, and this from a born Tigers fan). Instead, he threw behind Pablo Sandoval in the 7th inning. Sandoval then hit a homer. Ladies and gentlemen, your 2009 Mets season.
(Note to Tigers fans: see how Santana waits until he’s pitched a starter’s share of innings before going for the revenge shot? That’s a veteran. These are things Porcello’s gotta learn.)
Would a mustache have helped? Yes. While the ball did not hit David in the hypothetically mustached area, if Wright had a fully-grown mustache right now, we’d be in 1st place and almost totally healthy, which means Beltran would probably have been batting. Plus mustaches can change wind patterns. Things like this don’t just happen out of nowhere. If there’s a deity, or a pantheon of deities, or a flying spaghetti monster running things behind the scenes, you have to imagine he (/she/it/they) would not allow high-speed objects to come near a stached David’s head.
Okay, NOW are we the most injured pro sports team in history? There’s this thing about Mets fandom: we live in such close proximity to Yankee fans that we worry about sounding too bombastic, or too whiny, or too much like the world revolves around us. I went around the Internet to see if there’s enough out there for me to calculate lost man-hours, and then cross-reference that with stars. There wasn’t. Off the top of my head, I’d say the early 00’s L.A. Kings (NHL) might be the competition. Suffice to say, yes, Virginia, the injuries (and related lack of mustache) are the reason the Mets aren’t contenders this year.
Get well soon, David.