The Leaders and the Stached
by Misopogon | August 13th, 2009
HAIL! To this idea of brilliance.
HAIL! To these whiskered heroes.
HAIL! HAIL! To Mustaches for Michigan.
I think I wet my pants.
The Wright Stache, as is publicly known, is generally and publically in favor of any increase in public mustachionism. So we understandably couldn’t help but say “GO YOU!” when one of America’s top public institutions got it into their winged heads to do thus:
As Michigan Alumni, we are here to say that we support you, Rich. We support Michigan. And we’re showing it with our mustaches. We’ll be growing beards during the month of August, and on September 5th, we’ll be sporting serious staches for that first game. Go Blue.
We here at the WrightStache have been trying all summer to get ONE guy to grow a mustache; these fellas are out to convince 106,201 (we’re guessing the invitation does not include the cheerleaders). But when you’re the winningest program in college football history, I guess dreaming big comes with the arborial territory.
To see how they play the game, enter the Big House of Stache, Gate 4.
Former Wolverine receiver Anthony Carter was named by Sports Illustrated as the best college football player of all time. Mustache? Certainly.
The plan seems simple enough.
- Grow Beards
- On Sept. 5, shave the beards, keep the mustaches.
- Profi…(damn you Stone and Parker — that will be with me forever!)
It may seem that our sites have similar missions (and our lawyers are checking that out). After all, we’re both sports-related sites that advocate greater mustachedom. We both have similar taste in Pazyrik Horsemen. However, we’re not quite sure they get the whole reasoning:
Why mustaches? You don’t think we know how we’ll look with a mustache? That’s the point. Our dedication is thusly fortified, we will look like douche bags and date-rapists (and Silver Lake dwellers) for our team. Will you?
Douche bags? Date rapists? Excuse me?
You don’t go into a stache situation trying to look like a douche bag! If you want the mustache to respect you, you must respect the mustache. It takes proper grooming. It takes love and tenderness. It takes a commitment from the stached one to remove pieces of chicken salad that get stuck on there, because it can look really gross.
We can certainly be in favor of mustaches grown to increase winning. Mustaches = championships. And lo, but does Michigan know a thing or two about championships. But c’mon, guys, how do you know if you’ll keep the stache once you have it if you don’t even give it a chance? If your goal is just to look like a douche bag or rapist, then you don’t need to go through all the hassle of growing a mustache. Just get one of these:
Note: Spike Lee can make this look cool. You cannot.
Other than that, rock on oh furry-faced Carcajous! The Wright Stache is with you (especially if it turns out David Wright’s a Michigan fan — hell, everyone else in New York is).
Links, Stache Spotting | Misopogon | 
August 13, 2009
By Mustaches for Michigan, August 14, 2009 @ 1:29 am
We’re with you, Misopogon. And we’re damned honored you’re with us in our Mustaching efforts!
But to clarify, you bet your ass we respect the stache. Man, it’s society that doesn’t. So why not hang a lantern on the us vs them? They think mustaches represent a seedier counter culture. And sure, we suppose we can see that… The Buckstache is a thorn in the side of the earnest championship-winning-mustache-sporting proclamation! Mustaches Unite! And Go Blue! Exclamation Point!
M4E,
Mustaches For Michigan
[Reply]
By Blurm, August 14, 2009 @ 11:15 am
I recall as an Iowa fan that when I was little, all the Michigan O-line had big burly beards and ’staches and I could never understand how they were really only 19-22 years old.
[Reply]
By Misopogon:
August 14th, 2009 at 11:51 am
I think going through one of Bo’s workouts probably ages you a month. By the time those guys were seniors, they were like 35.
I remember in early high school all the senior football players had mustaches and beards. The one guy who went on to play D-IA football could grow a full-on stache at like 15. There’s gotta be some scientific correlation between early facial hair and freakish athleticism. How else to explain Keith Hernandez (courtesy of blogger Mandatory Mustache).
[Reply]