The Blue Jay Way
by Misopogon | May 1st, 2009Greetings from the American League, which is like real baseball except instead of every position player taking his turn at the dish, the pitcher gets to send some geriatric out of the WWE to swing in his place.
There's a fog in Northern Queens, and my friend has lost his swing. They'll be winning soon they said; now they've lost themselves instead.
I know it’s been a rough time in Metland. Not only has our facial Sampson not grown a stache, but he even went negative-hair. Cue Wrightslump.
Over here in AL-la land, we have this kid named Zack Greinke. By now you’ve probably heard of him. He pitches for Kansas City. He wishes he was born a shortstop. He’s un-hittable. I’ve heard of hot streaks, but nobody could get so much as an earned run on him in four straight starts. Yet Wednesday night, someone in the American League finally managed to put up a score on this kid. How’d we do it? Ask the Policeman on the Street…
At least, that’s the explanation provided by Big League Stew blogger David Brown:
“Follicle follies: Be it from the Sports Illustrated cover jinx, the brief rain delay before the game or because he was momentarily mesmerized by Brian Tallet’s intimidating mustache, Greinke allowed his first earned run of season. He allowed two, in fact, and his ERA rose from nothing to 0.50″
You can guess which explanation we’re going with. I mean, c’mon, SI cover jinx? Didn’t Michael Jordon disprove that back in the mid-’80s?
Brian Tallet has given the Blue Jays a mustache ride to first place in the AL East
Apparently, Jays fans have been all over the Talletstache since he showed up on Opening Day sporting the barbs. The result: a sub-3.00 ERA (in the AL that’s a big deal), a move to the starting rotation that produced two brilliant appearances, and the Blue Jays are 15-8 and tied atop the league.
Tallet had a rough outing on Wednesday, as the rain put a damper on his stache mojo. His stache is young; as the season progresses he will learn that a mustache must be cared for, especially in inclement weather.
But still, causing runs to be scored on Greinke, the Jays’ hot start, earning a spot in the rotation: these are the unsung benefits a stache can bring to your team. The stache can’t make you an MVP, but covered lips can do the little things which win championships.
Bravo, Tallet. And if you ever get the chance, we welcome you to show David Wright how to stache it the Blue Jay way.
Please don’t be long.
Tags: Blue Jay Way, Brian Tallet, Brian Tallet Mustache, Talletstache, Zack Greinke
Updates | Misopogon | 
May 1, 2009
By Dave, May 1, 2009 @ 11:15 am
Great use of a relatively obscure Beatles song. Bravo!
[Reply]
By Ian, May 1, 2009 @ 3:26 pm
I don’t want to be the type of person to claim that facial hair helps a baseball player’s performance, but 60 % of the time Tallet sports a moustache, it works … every time.
[Reply]