Currently, our mission stands thus: we believe that David Wright should grow a mustache. We know for a fact that this alone could bring the Mets a World Championship. David knows this. He has said he would if he could. We have said that he can.
But that’s alright, we’ll worry about that later.
Since this is a free country (except, perhaps, when you’re at a Yankee game), we cannot force our hero to grow a hero bar. The Metstache may choose you, but you must also choose your Metstache. We respect that. You gotta do what Randall Pink Floyd wants to do, man.
We love it when our readers send us tips regarding new mustache-related products (keep them coming!). Here are a few of our recent favorites:
Mustache Pint
If you already have a stache, the white mustache etched into these glasses will look fantastic stacked on top of yours. If you don’t have one (because you can’t grow one – like me), these will create the illusion of having one, if only for a brief moment while the glass is tilted at the perfect angle as you gulp. We’re going to buy like 100 of these and open a Wright Stache bar outside of Citi Field. Seriously. Thanks to good friend o’ the stache Marc S. for the tip.
12-Pack of Fake Mustaches
We’re broke (won’t you buy a t-shirt, please?). So when we learned that there was a 12 pack of fake mustaches going for $2.61 on these here Interwebs, we snatched up as many packs as we could. We then marched down to the SNY Studios building on 6th Avenue and demanded that random passers-by sport the staches on our lunch break. You should do the same. Thanks to both Bill F. and Nick K. for the tip.
Beard Head
These aren’t exactly in season, but they are awesome. I own four of them. The mustache is actually removable (it attaches with velcro)! If you’re hitting the slopes anytime soon, you best be rockin’ a Beard Head. You should also email them and demand that they make a blue/orange combo hat. Thanks to the Beard Head owner Dave S. for the heads up.
Yesterday we reported on Clay Zavada’s glorious lip-sweater that should serve as an inspiration to a certain clean-shaven third baseman in Queens. Apparently ESPN took notice too, as they interviewed Friend O’ The Stache and Chairman of the American Mustache Institute Dr. Aaron Perlut about Zavada’s stache and the role of the cookie-duster in baseball, past and present. Dr. Perlut throws around some fantastic ’stache lingo (“flavor-saving instrument of justice” [!]) and even provides a statistical analysis of Rick Ankiel’s stache experiment of which The Wright Stache Statistics Department (TWSSD for short) highly approves. Watch the whole interview clip from ESPN below.
Bask in it. Stare at it longlingly. Rub your face on the screen right now and imagine it tickling your cheeks. There are staches that just rest there on the upper lip and then there are staches that transcend facial hair and mean so much more to society. These are the staches that act as a beacon of hope in a sea of naked lips.
Hell of a game last night, kiddies. I like to think that the Mets were inspired by The Wright Stache’s presence in the Fenway stands. Dear friend o’ the stache Jess Arb sent in this picture of Adam Kubyrk at last night’s game rockin’ his OFFICIAL WRIGHT STACHE T-SHIRT!
Don’t have one yet? Well why not fix that right now?
And once you have your shirts, send us pictures of you donning them at Mets games, mustache conventions, with your mustachioed friends and family and anywhere else where The Wright Stache is spreading joy. We’ll publish your picture on the site and make you the envy of everyone you know.
This was the question inexpertly tossed around* by that daffy broadcasting duo Joe Morgan and Steve Phillips, while the Amazins balked and bases-loaded GIDP-ed their way to a 2-0 losing conclusion to an otherwise successful 4-day vacation in San Fran.
The context was a re-hashing of the pre-winning-streak brouhaha over comments by Omar Minaya that suggested the Mets needed more of an edge.
“Some people see edge as leadership. Sometimes, you need a little meanness to your game. Some people perceive leadership as meanness.
“I couldn’t tell you that we have that type of guy. We have leaders. But everyone’s perception of leadership is different.”
Well, as everyone** knows, when a GM calls his team out for not having a leader, the first guy to respond gets the gig. Since then, David Wright has let his bat do most of the talking, and now everything is hunky dory. But he did at least offer the following to the New York Daily News:
“The definition of edge is going out there and getting a few wins, and then all of a sudden you don’t have to worry about anyone talking about edge anymore”
Well, they’ve got a few wins. But do the Mets have a true leader? What makes such a leader? And most importantly could Steve Phillips be any more of a horse’s patoot what is that that sixth tool*** that separates the leaders from the lineup fodder? To answer this, when we say “Jump” the Wright Stache will consult the acknowledged leader in defining leadership:
D-Wright was absolutely scorching over the weekend in San Francisco. Might it be that David is shining on the west coast because his facial hair is that much more full at the late hours (by East Coast standards) at which he is forced to play? We can only surmise.
David’s 4 stolen bases against the Giants on Thursday night tied a club record set by Vince Coleman twice and matched by Roger Cedeno in 1999. But even more impressive is the following record, dug up by (who else?) The Elias Sports Bureau and reported by The New York Times:
David Wright is the first player since 1920 to have at least nine hits, nine runs batted in and five stolen bases over a three-game span, according to the Elias Sports Bureau.
HotFootBlog.com reports a week’s worth of stats that are even more astounding:
For the week between May 11 – May 17, David Wright’s been hitting a red hot .556, with 3 doubles, a triple, 9 RBI, and a 1.366 OPS.
The very definition of “hot.” He’s been doing it in the clucth, to boot. That 10pm-1am shadow must be the key. It must be.
Our Friends o’ the Stache over at MeetTheMatts.com are having an ongoing trivia contest in which the winner receives a pair of tickets to a Mets game at an interleague series of their choice! Alls ya gotta do is know lots of useless stuff about sports, a skill at which we’re guessing our Wright Stahce Wregulars are pretty adept. In addition to the pair of free tix, you’ll also get $50 cash to spend at the game on such wonderful Citi delicacies as Blue Smoke ribs, Shake Shack Burgers, delicious fountain sodas, Brooklyn Brewery beer, or hell… anything you want, really. Head on over to MeetTheMatts.com to join in on the fun!
It didn’t make any sense. They couldn’t possibly be talking about the same guy — the five-tool fella that Mets fans remember for his friendly fan interaction (and fly ball non-interaction)!
Could it be our erstwhile young Lastings is already grown up and worthy of an All Star ticket?
Yesterday, JCP and I took The Wright Stache to the Mets game, donning brand-spankin’ new Wright Stache T-Shirts for all to admire; JCP with his lovely girlfriend Emily, and I, Hairy Backman, with my Mother and Father in celebration of Mothers Day. Not only did we get to witness a proper sweeping of the lowly Pittsburgh Pirates on a beautiful Spring Day, but we were also able to spread the word of the Wright Stache on our backs; sparking both interest and excitement from Mets Fans of all corners of New York’s perfect ballpark, Citi Field. Check out these photos, courtesy of Mom (whose husband, my Dad, has sported an elite baseball mustache for the better part of his life…more on that in an upcoming post circa Father’s Day):
The city of Columbus, Georgia, isn’t well known around the country. Simply by nature of sharing a name with the home of the Yankees’ top farm club, the place d’origine of George Steinbrenner, the nursery of Christian Rock music and the birthplace the Bush political dynasty, they are entitled to all sorts of ridicule.
The wood makes us want to sport stache.
So it was nice to hear this morning that, for once, something good was coming out of Columbus.
If you hadn’t heard already (we hadn’t), there’s an amateur, wood-bat summer baseball league called the Great South League, which lets college ballplayers hone their skills and get used to swinging lumber rather than aluminum. This year, Columbus will join the league, introducing their new team, the Wood Bats. That’s great news, but this in particular caught our attention:
The MLB tonight crew takes a critical look at the mechanics of Oliver Perez and comes up with an interesting diagnosis in this video clip. While “no stache” isn’t one of the reasons given, we’ll just go out on a limb and assume that this critical fact was omitted because of how obvious it is. No stache = no concentration. Get on it, Ollie.
Today is Hairy Backman’s birthday! Please join all of us here at The Wright Stache in wishing him a very happy birthday filled with dreams fulfilled and staches grown.
The friends o’ the Stache and ardent Mets supporters at OhMurph.com — a site we profiled here last week devoted to renaming the fans in the left field stands Murphaholics — sent us a challenge we couldn’t refuse: draw up some images of Daniel Murphy with a mustache. Photoshop expert and ’stache extraordinaire Misopogon got right on the task, and came up with some very studly images of what one New York Mets left fielder would look like with some upper-lip hair. The “promo shot” style stachepic at right is worthy of scoreboard display at Shea, while two additional Murphy stachepics — after the jump — show the Murph in action!
We here at the Wright Stache believe that while you should always accept the mustache when it calls upon you, a stache cannot be grown just for the sake of it.
Such was the sad case of Rick Ankiel’s newly erstwhile mustache. Like its bearer, Ankiel’s mustache looked hot from the start, but suddenly, inexplicably turned wild.
Services for the fallen barbs, which are now making their way through the St. Louis Metropolitan Wastewater System, were held last week at the American Mustache Institute.
The passing of Ankiel’s young cover did, however, provide one last parting gift, serving as the impetus for AMI bloggers to discover the word “labia sebucula.”
It’s Latin.
It means “lip sweater.”
And for bloggers staring down a 162-game season of writing about mustaches, every available synonym for “mustache” is pure gold.
Thus we bid adieu to the unfortunate Ankielstache. You couldn’t make it out of the 1st inning. But in your few furry days of existence, you certainly left us some wonderful memories.
Ed. Note: We at The Wright Stache were thrilled to hear that Rick Ankiel was not seriously injured after his collision with the wall last night. Neck/back injuries are no laughing matter. No word yet on whether a mustache would have provided some padding.
From Ryan Church’s first at bat, Gary and Keith were talking about how several of the Mets, including Carlos Beltran, were sporting a bit of stubble last night in Atlanta. Maybe it was because the flight delays that led to 12 hours of travel from Philadelphia to Atlanta. Maybe it was in response to the cold, wet weather that blanketed the East Coast. Or maybe, just maybe, it was because the Mets needed some edge and they follow The Wright Stache on Twitter.
No matter the reason, the Amazins looked like confident men instead of confused boys last night. Beltran continued to lead the universe in hitting and added two home runs. Jose Reyes swiped two bases. And, of course, David Wright hit a home run and a double while showing signs of breaking out of his April slump.
Keep the razors packed up, fellas. The stubble looks good. And it plays even better.
Ed. Note: Those last three sentences are the most homoerotic paragraph ever printed on this site.
Without the mustache, Ted Nugent is pretty vanilla.
Over the weekend, there was much talk and consternation over Omar Minaya’s comments that the Mets lacked “edge.” In fact, he said that the team’s lack of edge is why he brought in Alex Cora and Gary Sheffield. That was Omar’s response to how smooth the Mets are (smooth is the opposite of edgy, right?). Seems to me, though, that there is an easier (and cheaper) way to gain an edge. Mustaches.
I don’t know much about Alex Cora, other than he’s 33 and looks 12. Not exactly edgy. As for Sheff, well, that dude wasn’t born edgy. He had an edgy mentor.
But at the end of the day, nothing adds edge like smoking cigarettes a mustache. Now more than ever the Mets need David Wright to grow a mustache. He’s the captain. He’s the leader. He can be the edge.
If not David, I know a certain someone who looked pretty edgy with a stache (and there may just be a spot in the rotation available).
If you're a student of the game or just interested in baseball history, you may have considered testing
your knowledge through online sports betting. Ask yourself,
what would Ty Cobb do?
Wright Wreasons | Misopogon | 
May 29, 2009 | 
Comments (2) 
What makes a leader?
Our Friends o’ the Stache over at 
Such was the sad case
