No Stache at the End of the Rainbow
by Teufel Stubble | April 6th, 2009
Every year an average of 23 people are attacked by Hawaii's rainbows.
I was scouring the internet for mustache news while watching the Mets cling to a 2-1 lead over the Reds and stumbled across this story. Back on March 26, the University of Hawaii baseball team was no-hit by Coastal Carolina (Hawaii’s natural rival). One player had the final chance to avoid the no-hitter: Kevin Macdonald. And this, folks, is where things got hairy.
Actually, things got less hairy. You see, before his final at-bat, Macdonald shaved his mustache in an attempt to shake things up and get the Rainbows their first hit. Of course, he flied out to end the game.
Now, the story will have you believe that his stache removal was the beginning of a hot streak for both himself and the team. But, he’s sporting a goatee now. That’s a Wright Stache no-no (which is different from a Coastal Carolina no-no).
I blame Macdonalds misdirected mustache intentions for his lack of mustache success. Check out his explanation behind why he grew a lip rug:
“We were in Portland and at a Red Robin or something and all the waiters had mustaches,” Macdonald said. “So we were like ‘What the hell, what are all these mustaches?’ and they said, ‘It’s Mustache March.’
“So we came back and I was like, ‘I’ll give it a shot,’ and then we get no-hit, so I was like ‘I’m over it.’ “
You were inspired by Red Robin employees? You deserved to get no-hit.
Listen up, everyone. Staches are sacred. Staches are special. Staches are not grown on a whim because you like cheap hamburgers. The stache didn’t choose you, Kevin Macdonald. You’re not worthy.
April 6, 2009 
