Breaking News: D-Wright Says “No” to the Stache!
by Jose's Chin Pubes | April 2nd, 2009
“I don’t think I could grow one even if I wanted to,” said David Wright in an interview with the New York Post whilst stroking his chin in thought.
Bollocks! We will not be dettered.
Clearly, David has yet to realize the power of the stache. Which is understandable — he was just a wee lad when the 1986 Mets and their mustachioed manly men grinded their way to a World Series title (I’m the same age as David, but this is besides the point). He’s been clean-shaven his entire life, and growing a mustache can be intimidating, we get it. But rest assured, David, we’ve plotted out those potentially awkward in-between phases for you, and we can say with 100% certainty that you’ll look pretty darned studly with that stache even before it grows in all the way. We’ve even laid out all of the Wright Wreasons for you to grow the stache. They are indisputable.
The idea of growing a mustache will take some time to set in as D-Wright grows accustomed to the reality that his facial hair won’t be the only thing that grows; as his bare lip transforms into to a many mane, he’ll be transitioning from a boy to a man, a young player to a team leader, leading a team that’s collapsed in September twice in a row to become a team that will cherish the memories of a World Series title for their entire lives.
David, we understand. But there is no room for hesitation here. We need you to grow the stache. The Mets need you to grow the stache. The city of New York needs to grow the stache. These are dire times, my friend.
We know you’ll come around in due time, David. We’ll be here ready to cheer you on when you do.
-JCP
April 2, 2009 
By The Other DAW, April 2, 2009 @ 6:23 pm
is pelfreystache.com taken?
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By LadyMet, April 2, 2009 @ 7:05 pm
Hmmm…the Ladies may have an idea…stay tuned…
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By Teufel Stubble:
April 2nd, 2009 at 9:44 pm
We’re all staches…er, ears!
Seriously, kids, we are undeterred. We won’t take no for an answer. Chins up. I’m more confident than ever!
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