News from The Wright Stache Detroit Bureau

With the success of The Wright Stache, we’ve decided to expand our territory and open satellite bureaus across the country. The first such office, located in Detroit, is unofficially/officially headed by Misopogon, who has offered his services for the reasonable salary of “whatever substances will make memories of Dontrelle Willis’ contract just go away.”  Misopogon will chime in from time to time when events merit, and we’ll post his contributions when they merit.  It’s checks and balances like this that will ensure that we bring you nothing but high quality David Wright and mustache news and opinions.  Misopogon’s first dispatch from the Motor City after the jump.

A lot of people have been asking what the hell happened to the Tigers after our run to the World Series in 2006. The best answer anyone’s been able to give is this:

But then I found an even greater correlation with the increasing struggles of one pitcher in particular:

How, we ask the statisticians of our subconscious, could such a thing occur? What could possibly explain these performace drops?

Well:

The answer is staring us in Nate Roberston’s face: facial hair has a reverse correlation with winning.

We should have sensed the dire warnings in early 2007, when the first signs of a ballooning Earned Run Average piqued the moment that unfortunate razor hit Nate’s upper lip.

Detroit ignored the signs for too long, at our own peril, and a team that looked like a lock to take the AL Central ended up at the bottom of it.

Don’t let this happen to you, our orange and blue brethren!  You have this chance for greatness; I implore you, put a stache on your 3rd baseman, for it will be the vibrance of his vibrissa, the noble stache of his nasolabial fold, that will carry the Mets to the 2009 pennant!*

From the Motown desk of The Wright Stache, this is Misopogon.

* After that, I simply recommend lots and lots of pitcher defensive drills.

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