How to Grow a Mustache

Not pictured: Pedaphile

Friend o’ the Stache Sarah Harris Weiss, Esq. wrote in with a rather good point.  We may have jumped to a massive conclusion here at The Wright Stache and it looks like we need to take a quick step back to address this snafu.  We skipped the 101 class and jumped immediately into the advanced levels.  What I’m trying to say is, David may have no clue about how to get started with his maiden whisker voyage.

As Sarah noted in her email,

I think that maybe you should have a post about how to grow a moustache, in case David is reading and is unsure how to begin.

Brilliant idea, Sarah.

It’s simple, really.  Just follow this useful advice.

1. Stop Shaving Your Upper Lip - Duh.  Just let that area marinate.  Give it plenty of sun, don’t scrub too hard with the face wash and avoid exposure to radioactive materials.

2. Let It Grow While Shaving Around It – You’re growing a mustache, not a beard.  Make sure you keep your cheeks and chin clean.  And the neck, too.  No one likes a neckbeard.

3. Embrace the Mustache that Suits You - You’ll begin to notice that your mustache has a personality and certain natural aptitudes.  If your mustache wants to curl around the lips, let it.  If you have connectors that allow it to bridge the gap between lip and chin, congratulations, you’re Fu Manchu material.  Able to grow long hairs quickly?  You may be able to go handlebar.

4. Nurture Your Crops – Once you have a bountiful harvest on your upper lip, you must tend to the field.  Get a mustache comb.  Consider some mustache wax.  Trim and maintain.  You have a responsibility now.  You’re no longer alone.  You’re part of a team.  Don’t be selfish.

5. Wipe – Seriously.  You’re eating for two now.  But your mustache will make an effort to hoarde food and you can not allow this.  Wipe often with napkins.  Wipe extra with tissues.  Wipe like you have never wiped before.  No one can see your dingleberries, but everyone will see that Boston creme.

I hope you all feel better now that we have addressed these rudimentary issues.  I hope that you’ll go forth and grow staches of your own.  If you do, please send us photos!

And David, if you still have questions, we’re here for you.

5 Comments

• 

  By cindy, March 27, 2009 @ 3:17 pm

  I vote for the after eight…

  [Reply]

  

  By Teufel Stubble:
  March 27th, 2009 at 5:03 pm

  Cindy, we’ll be having a poll in the coming weeks about which style David should grow. We anticipate it being a heated competition.

  [Reply]

• 

  By Jeff, May 8, 2011 @ 3:30 am

  Cant wait to join the ‘mustache’ team so i to may have the power of the stache!!!

  [Reply]

• 

  By john, October 10, 2011 @ 8:34 pm

  i love mustaches!!!!!!!! :3D

  [Reply]

• 

  By Gerundz, November 3, 2011 @ 7:14 am

  Nice. I’d like to be part of the Team as well.

  Here’s my facebook account were my photos is located, gerundioiglesias@yahoo.com.

  [Reply]

Leave a comment