The Wright Girlfriend: Stache-Friendly?
by Jose's Chin Pubes | March 26th, 2009
"The oral sex from a clean-shaven man just isn't the same."
Any would-be facial hair enthusiast knows it all too well: girls do not often dig beards and staches. Back in my halcyon days of having a giant, bushy, hassid beard, I always used to get random dudes coming up to me telling me they loved my beard. I’d tell them that they too should grow one, and the answer I’d always get back was “My wife/girlfriend won’t let me.”
What’s that all about!? Seriously; grow a set. If your wife divorces you because of your man-whiskers, what kind of life are you living, my friend? But it raises a valid concern; what if D-Wright girlfriend / super-hot vixen Molly Beers doesn’t dig the stache? To that end, we here at The Wright Stache headquarters have come up with a handy list of reasons D-Wright can use to convince Ms. Beers of the merits of the stache. Read the list after the jump.
6. Elevates the sexiness factor of your man. Staches = sexy.
5. Looks distinguished. Will allow D-Wright to wear such other distinguished items as a top-hat, tuxedo or bow-tie without looking like a complete jackass.
4. Will allow D-Wright to travel incognito. Everyone knows his face from the Allstar Game and Vitamin Water ads. The stache will allow him to go out in public again, at least until his cover is blown.
3. Keeps other women away. While you appreciate the uniqueness of your man’s lip-whiskers, other women may not. He’ll be all yours.
2. Better oral sex. Ladies, have you had a man with a stache give you cunilingus? If not, then you haven’t lived.
1. Will help the Mets win the 2009 World Series. Indisputable.
-JCP
Tags: david wright, molly beers, mustaches
Wright Wreasons | Jose's Chin Pubes | 
March 26, 2009
By Sara, March 26, 2009 @ 10:48 am
David has an apartment in the Lower East Side. No one on the LES is clean shaven. If he wants to assimilate with his hipster neighbors a stache would definitely be a start… well that & maybe joining a neighborhood kickball league.
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By Jimmy Rollins, March 26, 2009 @ 10:57 am
The benefit of having a stache when orally pleasuring your girlfriend is having the female scent particles cling to it. This allowa you to enjoy the scent, long after the pleasuring is over.
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By Bradley, March 26, 2009 @ 12:47 pm
the list goes on an on…
A stache also:
- Intimidates would-be assassins.
- Can be donated to homeless children as a source of warm.
- Can be explained to punk rockers on the 7 train as a Nose-hawk.
- Allows for deeper introspection of life. (Science has shown that pondering anything while running your fingers over your own facial hair multiples its effectiveness 5-fold).
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By Oral Sex, March 26, 2009 @ 1:52 pm
Now, Wright plans to move up in weight to 170 lbs to fight for Bernard Hopkins Ring magazine world title this July. Oral Sex
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By Stachey, March 26, 2009 @ 5:41 pm
And if DW’s without a date for an evening, the stache’ll virtually double his chance of finding a companion–sweet-scented or swarthy–for the night!
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By TWSDanielle, March 26, 2009 @ 5:58 pm
Two made me actual cringe in embarrassment for him, lol.
You guys are crazy!
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By Teufel Stubble, March 26, 2009 @ 7:25 pm
I’m pleased to see that we’re maturing into the coverage of topics with such social importance. I’m proud to be part of such a public service.
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By taylor, September 1, 2011 @ 1:31 pm
david wright is good looking either way, with or without his facial hair
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