In a sad turn of events, the Mets have decided to release Jose Valentin. MetsBlog is reporting that the Mets have officially let go of the Former-Stache, Tony Armas Jr., and Junior Spivey. The move officially closes the door on the Mets chapter of Jose’s life, and possibly that of his life in the Bigs altogether.
You may remember that last week, we posted a Better Know a Metstache on Jose. In the post, we discussed how much we’d like to see Jose make the team this year. We felt as though he’d be a huge inspiration for David, and a positive influence on his hairy journey. Sadly, that’s not going to happen.
We’ll miss ya Jose. Keep on spreadin’ that porn-stache vibe of yours.
It’s time to address a very important subject, kids. Exactly what type of mustache should David Wright grow? Of course, much of this is contingent on him having the fully bevy of staches at his disposal. If he is one of the millions of men with weak connectors (myself, shamefully, included), then the Fu Manchu may not be a viable option. But let’s assume that David is a six-tool player (hitting, hitting for power, speed, fielding, throwing and mustache growing) and can grow anything that he sets his mind to.
Polls are open until the end of next week, so forward this to all of your friends and encourage them to vote. Make your voices heard. The success of the Mets demands it!
Personal acquaintances of your Wright Stache editors know quite well that Jose’s Chin Pubes is a big fan of everything heavy metal. In fact, yours truly even has a website devoted entirely to the love/hate of this fine musical genre (shameless plug!). But what you might not know is that Mike Piazza — he of numerous facial hair stylings (but that’s a topic for a future post) — is himself a big metal fan too.
The Wright Stache resides on the part of the Venn diagram where mustaches and Mets overlap. And last night, while we floating around in that obscure nether region of the universe, we were joined by Jimmy Fallon and Bill Hader. Hader stopped by Late Night to pimp his new movie Adventureland.
While the two SNL alums chatted, the topic of Hader’s stache in the film came up. Then the 1986 Mets came up. And then Keith Hernandez came up. After all that, they tried on mustaches and mild hilarity ensued.
You can watch the mustache shenanigans here. Fast forward to the 25 minute mark to see where the stache conversation begins.
Always good to see the stache getting some TV time and even better to see the Mets getting the stache credit that they deserve.
As for Adventureland, all you Long Island kids know that there can be only one.
[caption id="attachment_768" align="alignright" width="250" caption="Back"][/caption]Here at The Wright Stache, we like to please you. Aside from our #1 goal, which is encouraging David Wright to grow a mustache, your needs are our top priorities.
So when you asked us to tackle the Giambi-stache debate head-on, we dove right in.
When you asked us to address Jose Valentin’s famed mustache and nickname, “The Stache”, we said, “Sure, why not?”
When you wanted The Wright Stache music, we looked to our talented musician-friends and said, “Let’s dance.”
And when you said you wanted some official The Wright Stache gear to help take our cause to the mean streets, we said, “Comin’ right up.”
And here it is: Presenting the official The Wright Stache T-Shirt. Made from only the finest of materials, and proudly displaying a symbol that will soon come to represent an emblem of hope, unity, and Mets history… the Wright Stache T-Shirt makes a great gift for any Mets fan. We’re officially accepting orders starting right now and will begin shipping these shirts on April 24, 2009.
So pick up a shirt while you can – the more of these things David can spot in the stands at Citi Field, the more he’ll know we’re all behind him and his brand new stache.
With the success of The Wright Stache, we’ve decided to expand our territory and open satellite bureaus across the country. The first such office, located in Detroit, is unofficially/officially headed by Misopogon, who has offered his services for the reasonable salary of “whatever substances will make memories of Dontrelle Willis’ contract just go away.” Misopogon will chime in from time to time when events merit, and we’ll post his contributions when they merit. It’s checks and balances like this that will ensure that we bring you nothing but high quality David Wright and mustache news and opinions. Misopogon’s first dispatch from the Motor City after the jump.Read more »
We love a good challenge and nothing gets us chomping at the bit more than someone challenging us to a good old-fashioned stache-off. You see, we’ll stack the 1986 Mets and their staches up against any team from any era. Why? Because we’re confident that Metstaches are the best staches. So, you can imagine our giddiness when we received the picture to the right along with the note below from Matt Brukman. We welcome your challange, Matt, and apologize that you will have to walk away with your stache between your legs.
First, let’s look at Matt’s opening salvo:
The Mets are amateurs. See the attached t-shirt graphic for the true masters of hirsute baseball goodness.
The battle (and a larger version of the photo) after the jump. Read more »
If you’re reading this, then you already know that mustache fever is sweeping the world of baseball. Not only are baseball fans all over New York pining for David Wright to get up and grow; many are growing one themselves.
And where there are baseball fans, there are fantasy baseball fans – many of whom are looking to tap the power of the stache to boost their Fantasy ‘09 rosters.
So to save all you crazy fantasy nerds (take no offense, friends: I am one of you) from having to sift through the Yahoo or ESPN player thumbnails for hours on end, weighing stats against stache – we did it for you. Here is a short list of some players you should highly consider if you want to get some facial hair in your lineup: Read more »
Every movement worth its salt has a theme. A rallying cry. An anthem. And now The Wright Stache has one of its very own. Dan Weiss was so moved by The Wright Stache inspirational video that he wrote and recorded our theme song. Bradley Werner was so motivated by Dan’s tune that he edited a new video for us. And Derrick Yuen was so swayed by my offer of free whiskey that he worked on the special effects (read: bouncing mustache). And just like that, The Wright Stache Theme song and video were born.
Commit the lyrics to memory, kids. We’ll be singing this li’l diddy together all season long!
And a very special thanks to everyone who worked on this project (yes, even you, Vin Fiorillo).
Yesterday was the first game ever at Citi Field. The St. John’s Red Storm took on the Hoyas of Georgetown. People wandered around taking pictures. The bats made a strange “ping” sound. And, for the first time in history, The Wright Stache made its presence known at the new home of the New York Metropolitans baseball club.
I made my way out to Flushing armed with a ticket courtesy of friend o’ the stache Matt Huang, my camera and, of course, my stache. While it was odd to feel like a stranger in a strange land, I can say with great pride that nothing felt more natural than being at our new ballpark with the stache.
There are plenty of previews of Citi Field out there, so I didn’t go overboard with photographs. I was just there to let The Wright Stache (via my stache) and Citi Field get acquainted. I am pleased to report that they got along swimmingly.
I did snap a few photos which you are more than welcome to view here. And, if you have pictures of mustaches at Citi Field (yours or those belonging to anonymous friends o’ the stache), please be sure to SEND THEM TO US.
We have a big day and week ahead of us, so check back often. Let’s just say that 10:45 this morning will be life changing.
Never answer a Casual Encounters ad on Craigslist.
Our dear friends at Ladies on the Field, Gangstas on the Bus have been running a poll of their readers to gauge their thoughts on David Wright growing a mustache. We realized that it could be a polarizing topic in the female community due to their love of David’s boyish good looks. Who among us hasn’t had to endure the high-pitched scream or lustful swoon of a female Mets fan when David has come up to bat? Nevertheless, we’re very pleased with the Ladies’ poll results:
And the poll is closed! 58% of the Ladies want to see a stache on our beloved’s face. Not a ringing endorsement, but then you didn’t think this journey would be easy, did you? Change is always frightening.
We’re proud of you, ladies. You’ve put the greater good ahead of your schoolgirl crushes. A more heroic sacrifice has never been made (outside of those made in bunt form). Kudos and huzzah to you all.
Dear friend o’ the stache Seth Fisher addressed a very important issue in an email to The Wright Stache HQ. One that helps us clear a major hurdle in our quest to get David Wright to grow a mustache.
It’s probably best if I just let Seth explain it himself:
Lord knows every man looks good in a fully grown stache, but perhaps David Wright is afraid of the transition period? Surely, a nascent young stache does not tickle the fancy of the female gender quite like a fully matured lip cover.
Some men, of course, can take the transition better than others.
Using special, high-tech software, however, our laboratories were able to demonstrate that Wright would look good not only with his completed stache, but all the way up.
Take a gander at the image above and observe David in all stages of mustache growth. From infancy to maturity, David looks like a man who owns his look. Confident. Strong. And, dare I say it, sexy as all get out.
So, if you (or David) were concerned about the early aesthetics of a stache on our mighty protaganist, fear not. Now, get on it David!
Ahoy, mates! Hairy B here, reporting from the WSHQ dialup connection.
We keep hearing about this iPhone thing. Apparently it’s like a computer that you can carry in your pocket and use to connect to the internets when you’re on the go. We’re not sure we really see the use for it, but we keep seeing guys watching porn with the damn things on the subway.
So, to cater to those types of guys and anyone else who is too lazy to use a regular computer and modem, we set up an iPhone version of The Wright Stache. Now when you’re at Citi Field this Summer and want to tell David why he should grow in person, you won’t have to read off of cue cards.
Do check it out, please – and God bless technology!
Fur coat sold separately. Not for use with some sets.
Sometimes you see something and it’s so beautiful that it hurts. Like a bag blowing in the wind. This is one of those times. It’s a Lego Keith Hernandez with accurate mustache! Check out Planet of the Geeks to see how it was done. We here at The Wright Stache were floored when we saw this. Even in Lego form, Keith is larger than life and his stache adds a dignified air to even the yellowist of figurines.
No word yet on whether a Bret Saberhagen figure with optional bleach-filled Super Soaker will be available anytime soon. Fingers crossed!
Let’s end another winning week at The Wright Stache with a nod to our favorite (and finest) loser. Look in those eyes. There’s a sadness there. An emptiness. As we put this week to bed and reflect on some of our finer moments, remember to be thankful for how fortunate you are. Call your mom and tell her that you love her. Plant a tree. And do what you can to get David Wright to grow a mustache. We did our part by…
And now, you’ve crowned it. You spoke up and you awarded Keith Hernandez’s Mustache as your Favorite Metstache of All Time. And we can’t say we disagree: it truly is a work of beauty and an inspiration to men everywhere, professional athletes and regular-folk alike. So, congratulations Keith.
And congratulations Wright Stache readers, for making an informed and educated decision on such an important issue. Your voice was heard. Our only hope is that one day, ideally one in the near future, the Favorite Metstache award can be handed over to David: our one and only Golden Boy. Because not only is it David’s destiny to wear such an honored and adorned crown…it’s his God-given birthright.
Friend o’ the Stache Sarah Harris Weiss, Esq. wrote in with a rather good point. We may have jumped to a massive conclusion here at The Wright Stache and it looks like we need to take a quick step back to address this snafu. We skipped the 101 class and jumped immediately into the advanced levels. What I’m trying to say is, David may have no clue about how to get started with his maiden whisker voyage.
As Sarah noted in her email,
I think that maybe you should have a post about how to grow a moustache, in case David is reading and is unsure how to begin.
"Though shalt be banished to an eternity of suckitude."
Jason J., a Yankee-fan reader of The Wright Stache, recently posed an interesting and important question to yours truly:
One suggestion on an issue that needs to be addressed: Willie Randolph had a moustache and that didnt work out so well, the blog needs to explain why that occurred.
It would seem that we do have some explaining to do. Why would we believe that the mustache mojo would work so well for D-Wright if it failed so miserably for Randolph?
Problem at hand, we here at The Wright Stache HQ put on our thinking caps gathered ’round a bottle of Jameson and indulged in a hearty session of armchair philosophy to solve The Willie Randolph Paradox. Our explanations, after the jump.
I have been fortunate enough in the last few days to correspond with Dr. Aaron of Joe Sports Fan. He’s knee deep into a feature detailing the best St. Louis Cardinal Reliever mustaches. With great names like Al Hrabosky, Todd Worrell and Eck, Dr. Aaron has his hands full.
I bring this up to once again prove that the stache’s power is undeniable. It’s brought success and good fortune to Major Leaguers throughout history. And while we here at The Wright Stache are focused on David Wright and the New York Mets bringing the World Championship back to New York, we know that we must look to the past, study the masters and leave no stone unturned in our quest to convince David to grow a stache.
Study hard, kiddies. Take your vitamins and pay attention. There’s much to learn and we’re here to lead the way.