We Bid You Adieu

We failed. At getting David to grow a ’stache and at winning, period. Girlfriend O’ The Stache Emily and I attended yesterday’s win over the Astros, and it was one of very few bright spots in a season that was miserable but definitely not forgettable. Regarding the season, I leave you with this thought: better to have a journeyman throw a complete game shutout than to completely blow your team’s playoff chances on the last day of the season for the third season in a row, no? Regarding David’s lack of whiskers, I leave you with this thought: there’s always next year. David will be all the older and more hairy.

Please enjoy the Wright Stache theme song, posted above, one last time. It’s really a gem if we do say so ourselves!

Now you can be part a failed Internet campaign for only $10!

Lastly, we have a box full of leftover extra-sexy Wright Stache t-shirts!!! You can buy one now for only $10 with free shipping!! Just think, it’ll make a great item to sell to a thrift shop or at a yard sale some day. Click below to buy your size via PayPal.

Cheers, and (maybe) see you next year.

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Mets Wars: Episode IV

a long time ago, in a galaxy called Flushing…

It is a period of civil war. Rebel spaceships, striking from a
hidden base, have won their first victory against the evil Galactic Empire.
During the battle, Rebel spies managed to steal secret plans to the
Empire’s ultimate weapon, the Death Star, an armored space station
with enough power to destroy an entire planet.
Pursued by the Empire’s sinister agents, Princess Leia races home
aboard her starship, custodian of the stolen plans that can save her
people and restore freedom to the galaxy…

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The All-Stached Nine

MLB.com, as is its wont,* is allowing fans to vote on their All-Time Nine for each team.

Rules are you pick one season from each guy at each position, and then imagine they were all on the same Mets team at the same time having that season.

And then you imagine you had season tickets that year and got to watch ‘99 Rickey Henderson lead off followed by 2006 Reyes, and then 2007 Wright would hit a double to score two, and then 2000 Piazza would step up to the plate, and they had to pitch to him because ‘98 Olerud and ‘86 Keith Hernandez were due up, and 2000 Piazza would wink at you and you would know deep down that he loved y….. Read more »

Mets-Sloppily

Summary of the Mets season. Make sure you click the link...

This is made of pure win. Unlike the Mets.

Cause to Complain

It hurts.

Injuries are a part of the game.

But at some point, they become more than part of the game. A key injury at a key time can seem to make a big difference to a ballclub. Then again, over such a short sample, statisticians say that the difference in performance is negligible, and that since all teams eventually experience lost time to injuries, it all evens out.

But Mets fans know there is nothing “even” about this season. There is nothing fair.

So let’s prove it.

Let’s figure out the point at which statistics takes a hike, the point at which we can look at a sports team, any sports team, and say “this is just completely unfair — we have no idea how good that team might have been.”

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Meet the Hat!

So how has your Wright-less Mets baseball been?

…

That bad, huh?

Well, fortunately, you no longer have to wait to get your David Wright back! Thanks to modern technology, for a limited time only, you can have your very own All Star 3rd baseman back in the lineup of your choice. I’m talking the 21st century! I’m talking super space age technology! I’m talking about the Rawlings S100!

It’s a big honkin’ baseball helmet. And apparently, it’s going to save David’s season.

Teammates may laugh. But opponents won’t be laughing once they witness the might of Dark Helmet.

Of course, being an All Star and all, David gets his custom-made, with all sorts of extra winning features. Like a mustache. Herein, exclusive to our Wright Stache wreaders, is a sneak peak at the helmet David Wright will sport for the rest of the season.

Just one easy click-through away!

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Unassisted Triple Play-stache

Still sexy.

Girlfriend O’ The Stache and I went to yesterday’s heartbreaking loss to the Phils. Just when it seemed like the Mets might actually pull one off and generate a 9th inning rally to overcome another hair-pulling Oliver Perez meltdown, the improbable — nay, the impossible — happened, and Jeff Francoeur hit into an unassisted triple play. To Eric Bruntlett no less, who’d already bungled two balls in that inning. On a day that Angel Pagan hit two homers, one inside the park and one out of it, an ending this crazy only seemed fitting. But that made it no less depressing. At least we got to cheer for Pedro (who booed? seriously? who are you? die in a plane crash.)

In any case, we hope David Wright is using his concussed time on the disabled list to ponder growing a mustache. Furthermore, we hope that since he’ll be away from the TV cameras for some time he’ll experiment with a little upper-lip follicle action, and upon seeing how awesome it looks he’ll decide to keep it. You never know. It’s not too late. Believe!

Jon Stewart Sends Gift Basket to D-Wright

We’re fans of Jon Stewart here at The Wright Stache, so naturally we found amusing this Daily News bit (I found it on a subway seat, I swear, ok?) about Jon Stewart’s gift to our ailing David Wright:

Jon Stewart, host of The Daily Show and an avid Mets fan, sent Wright deli-style cold cuts.Wright, who suffered a concussion on Saturday, has been bombarded with gifts of food. “I got a lot of matzo ball soup,” Wright said.

Nothing like a giant slab of roast beef plopped on the head to help a concussion. Get well soon, David.

Citi Field Burger Conquest!!

WRITTEN BY GUEST BLOGGER REVEREND DAVID J. CIANCIO OF BURGER CONQUEST

With our woeful Mets struggling to do anything right (last night’s Braves pummeling notwithstanding) and a 3rd Shake Shack location opened at Citi Field, we had a perfect target for a Wright Stache / Burger Conquest joint operation. But why stop at 2 blogs? We like to go big so we invited Mookie Singerman from the metal band Genghis Tron, on behalf of heavy metal blog MetalSucks, and our good friend Chuck — who somehow managed to hook up 5th row seats behind the 3rd base dugout, and also happens to run the road merch operation for Alice in Chains and others — to join in on our pursuit for a tasty burger.

If you’re a foodie like we are, you know all there is to know about the Danny Meyer “roadside” burger stand, the Shake Shack. If this is the first you have heard of it, there’s a reason for the hype; it’s awesome. You can read more by clicking here. One of our favorite summer pastimes is drinking and eating our way around a baseball park (See Yankee Stadium / Dodger Stadium Burger Conquests) this was lined up to be a lot of fun. With Mustaches adorned, we set off on our Conquest.

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Stache Outing Tonight at Citi!

Tonight, The Wright Stache’s own JCP will be on hand at Citi Field to watch the woeful Mets and Livan Hernandez attempt to take the final game of the series from the less woeful San Francisco Giants. It’s a joint outing with burger-reviewing pioneers Burger Conquest at which we’ll be waiting for, waiting for, waiting for, and two innings later eating, enjoying and subsequently reviewing the Citi Field Shake Shack burger. MetalSucks‘ Vince Neilstein, Genghis Tron vocalist Mookie Singerman (his name is actually friggin’ Mookie for cryin’ out loud) and walking Mets encyclopedia Chuck Haile will also be on hand to join in on the ’stache / burger / metal fun.

If you see the ’stache, say hi!

That’s Gonna Leave a Mark

Fortunately, with David, the tongue sticking out is a good sign (Image courtesy of NY Daily News)

Able, you probably already know this, but your brother is a douchebag.

What happened? During last night’s 5-4 extra-inning fall to the Giants (not those Giants), San Fran starter Matt Cain beaned David Wright in the head with a 94-mph fastball. The helmet went flying off. David was on his back for over a minute. I said some choice words about Matt Cain. But nobody really thought he threw at David on purpose.

Is he all-Wright? Yes. David spent the night in the hospital with a concussion. Plus, there’s this good news from Francoeur (from AP reporter Howie Rumberg):

(after jump)

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The Leaders and the Stached

HAIL! To this idea of brilliance.
HAIL! To these whiskered heroes.
HAIL! HAIL! To Mustaches for Michigan.
I think I wet my pants.

The Wright Stache, as is publicly known, is generally and publically in favor of any increase in public mustachionism. So we understandably couldn’t help but say “GO YOU!” when one of America’s top public institutions got it into their winged heads to do thus:

As Michigan Alumni, we are here to say that we support you, Rich. We support Michigan. And we’re showing it with our mustaches. We’ll be growing beards during the month of August, and on September 5th, we’ll be sporting serious staches for that first game. Go Blue.

We here at the WrightStache have been trying all summer to get ONE guy to grow a mustache; these fellas are out to convince 106,201 (we’re guessing the invitation does not include the cheerleaders). But when you’re the winningest program in college football history, I guess dreaming big comes with the arborial territory.

To see how they play the game, enter the Big House of Stache, Gate 4.

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If a Third Baseman Grows a Stache in Detroit…

Look closely and you can see the beginnings of an AL Pennant

We have news: an All-Star 3rd baseman has begun growing a mustache.

No, it is not David Wright. But it’s the next best thing…

Brandon Inge. Roar of the Tigers:

CONFIRMED: Brandon Inge is, in fact, growing a mustache. It is, in fact, terrible. Before today’s game he claimed that it was a Rally Mustache, an attempt to change the luck of the Tigers. Will it help his bat? Will it help the bats of other Cats? Brandon Inge does not know. He hopes it will help him, but if it helps someone else– if they manage to hit better “due to [his] ugliness,” as he said in the pregame interview– the Rally ’stache will have served its purpose.

Did I not tell you the Tigers and a Mets share a metaphysical link? I mean, the Tigers win in ‘68, the Mets win in ‘69. The Tigers win in ‘84, the Mets win in ‘86. And Howard Johnson was on both of those teams!

And now the Tigers head to Boston with a STACHE ON THEIR 3rd BASEMAN!

This is how it begins, folks. I will be at Fenway tonight. I will capture this Ingeian stache. I will show you non-believers how winning and mustaches on All-Star third basemen are connected. I WILL SHOW YOU ALL!!!

…Misopogon, running off into the abyss…and giggling.

Update: Back from Boston — it looks like he kept it. But the Tigers dropped two to the Red Sox. On the other hand, they’ve been battling, and gave themselves a chance to win two games they had no business winning. So I’d say the stache is working.

The seed has been planted, and there’s a chance the Tigers may stache up afterall. A whole team of mustaches? We will definitely be keeping an eye on this.

Shooting Down Our Stachey Shoots

Cut down before his prime

The injury train rolls on. The latest victim: Jonathon Niese.  Hamstring. Here’s the Mets’ 2009 season in a nutshell:

Promising young pitcher, promising young stache, HAMSTRING INJURY OUT FOR SEASON SURGERY ARRRGH!

Sorry for the caps.

It makes you wonder, if the Mets could have gone back and done it all over again, if a mustache would have helped? Maybe extra padding, I don’t know. I’m starting to think, though, that Big Pelf falling off the mound in the Citi Field opener wasn’t a good sign.

Brian Costa says this one hurts more. What exactly does “more” mean? Hasn’t the whole season been painful enough?

At least last night’s 9-0 drubbing of the Cardinals and their fake staches was cathartic.

The Wright Stache will be down at Coney Island on Saturday to root on the next crop (and to see if there’s anybody down there we can add to the thresher that is the Mets dugout this year). Other than that, I welcome you all to become Tigers fans for the rest of the season. You’ll like the Tigers — Detroit could surely use the help, they’re orange and blue, they play solid defense and have great young pitchers. And they’re footing the bill for Shef…..BREAKING NEWS SHEFFIELD  HAMSTRING INJURY OUT FOR WEEKS ARRRRRRGGGH!

Oh well. At least there’s one more reason (but you gotta jump).

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Wrightstache Exclusive Interview: Mario

Longtime Mets fans like Mario Mario of Brooklyn think the Mets just need a spark to get back in the hunt

With the Amazins in the tank and the Wrightstachians on the road, the Wright Stache has been quiet. Too quiet.

Well not that quiet. We’ve been at Citi Field, spreading the message, meeting fans of the stache, and getting their perspective on what’s wrong with the Mets this year (aside from, you know, the obvious listlessness, winlessness, healthlessness, and stachelessness).

Our thoughts on the subject have been shared ad infinitem, which is a fancy Latin way of saying “a whole bunch.” So we thought it was high time we got some input from the other fans out there — the hardworking Mets partisans who expect to come home from a long day of plumbing, or stomping on monster heads, and relax to a well-played game of baseball, preferably one in which the Mets whup the ever-livin’ koopa droppings out of the Phillies.

Herein follows a candid interview with one longtime Mets fan, Mario Mario, a plumber from Bensonhurst, and proud Mustached American. (Press ‘B’ to jump)

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Cardinalstaches

A bit late, but no less relevant: Wright Stache commenter Sean alerted us to the fact that the Cardinals startering pitchers have all grown mustaches. Adam Wainwright, Kyle Lohse, Joel Piñeiro and Todd Wellemeyer sported lip-sweaters starting in early July as a way to try and change the team’s forunes, and judging by the standings today (they’re two games up on Chicago in the NL Central) it seems to be working. Said Wainright:

“We were sitting around thinking of something to do and one of the other guys said we should mix it up. We wondered how we could do it and ended up cutting mustaches that night. We won the next day.”

Oh woeful 2009 Mets, couldn’t you learn a thing or two from these Cards?

Subway Stache

At last week’s Stache outing in which the Mets bested the Dodgers (yeah, they actually beat someone), we made a new friend on the subway on the way home from the game. Upon entering the 7 “Super Express” train waiting at the station (side note: how did it take them 40-some-odd years to think of this? brilliant.), a fine young lady sat on the seat bench with a classic stache-and-nose set of play glasses. High-fives and introductions were exchanged, and Girlfriend O’ The Stache Emily snapped these excellent photos. Thanks to Sydney C. for being a a great sport! Needless to say, now we have another supporter of David growing a ‘Stache. The other people on the train were a bit put off by the commotion, but whatevs.

More pics after the jump!

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Homerun Derby: Lo Duca-Stache

"This stache entitles me to have as many mistresses as I want, free of tabloid attention."

Today is the homerun derby, otherwise known as the kinda interesting event that happens the day before that collosal waste of time also known as the All-Star Game. When thinking of homerun derbies I’ll always think about our own D-Wright’s marvelous performance in the 2006 event, in which our hero put up a sparkling performance in Round 1 only to eventually be bested by 1 total homerun by Phillies slugger Ryan Howard. The pitcher tossing D-Wright those juicy, Italian meatballs? None other than Paul Lo Duca, a man whose fiery attitude and fiery mustache we know all too well.

Lo Duca, pictured at right in his much stachier Dodgers days, had one helluva stache — even when he shaved he had a sort of built in, 5 o’clock Guido shadow. I call BS on those who heralded Lo Duca’s arrival to the Mets as a “homecoming” — the guy only lived in Brooklyn from ages 0-2, for chrissakes — but the guy had heart and attitude, something the 2009 club sorely lacks. His fierce competitor’s spirit was no doubt due to his man-whiskers; perhaps David could learn a thing or two from the man who helped propel him to national glory on that fateful night in 2006!

Better Know a Metstache: Frank Viola

"Yeaaahhhh baby."

Frank Viola’s mustache was like his pitching style; subtle and full of finesse. A native Long Islander, Viola was welcomed with arms wide open by Mets fans anxious to recapture the glory of the ‘86 and ‘88 seasons.

Viola came to the Mets at the 1989 trading deadline after the Minnesota Twins, his long-time team which he’d led to a World Series Championship just two years earlier, soured on his request for more money. The Mets gave up fan-favorite Rick Aguilera as well as David West and Kevin Tapani, a trade that made sense at the time to acquire a front-line starter like Viola but ended up backfiring in the longterm. Viola’s first full season with the Mets ended up being his only good one; Viola was 20-12 that year with a 2.67 ERA in 35 starts, including 3 shutouts and a league-leading 249.2 innings. Frankie V started out strong in ‘91, but nagging injuries contributed to a 2-11 record down the stretch.

The Mets let Viola go to free agency after the 1991 season. He’d play two full seasons in Boston before undergoing Tommy John surgery and finishing his career with the Reds and the Blue Jays. Lifetime he went 176-150 with a 3.73 ERA, compiling 2836 innings, 1844 strikeouts, 16 shut outs and 74 complete games. His son is currently in the White Sox organization.

And now you better know a Metstache.

Murph’s Behind-the-Back Toss

Girlfriend O’ The Stache Emily and I had quite the fun outing at Citi Field last night; K-Rod made it interesting at the end, but it was an all-around clean win for the Mets who edged the Dodgers 5-4. D-Wright had two key hits (still no mustache), and we sold a bunch of Wright Stache t-shirts after the game by the subway entrance, our sales no doubt helped by the Mets’ win and Wright’s strong day. We even took some funny photos on the subway with some newly-converted Wright Stachians (more on this later).

But the night belonged to 1B Daniel Murphy with his unbelievable behind-the-back toss to Brian Parnell to nail a runner in a bang-bang play at 1st base. Citi was going nuts; the dudes at OhMurph.com must’ve been ecstatic! Here it is:

Wow. Only play I can remember with that kind of acrobatic work in recent Mets history was our own D-Wright’s bare-handed grab going into left field a few years back. Amazing play!